Only For You
by kaisha1992
Summary: This story isn't really about Harry Potter, I just needed to put it somewhere....It's about My Chemical Romance and there wasn't a category for them! It's about Frank's little sister, Annies. What happens when she meets Gerard for the first time?
1. Chapter 1

Did You come to stare, or wash away the blood?

Chapter 1

"SHUT UP!" I roared, "AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" He back away slowly and as soon as he was out of the room, I slammed the door in his face. I turned around and lay flat on my bed and rested my head on my pillow. Man, I was so angry at my older brother.

He is so annoying and hyper sometimes. I mean, yeah, he gets teased because he gets labelled "emo", but so do I! I am a tiny bit jealous though because he is such a good guitarist. But sometimes, he really needs to give me space. He is always crying on the phone saying how much he hates college and how much he wants to leave. It is his last year of college and the semester is almost finished, but he is planning to drop out because he has this band called "My Chemical- something" and they are about to go on their first tour. They have recorded one album called "I Brought you my Bullets, You Brought me your Love," and I snuck it out of (my brother) Frank's room and listened to it. I love it!

The band has a couple of practices at my mum's place a month and I have to admit, the lead singer, Gerard, was hot. He is shy, but he has a girlfriend named Tracy, so he was kind of off limits. He was also five years older than me, but I could still look at him, couldn't I?

Anyway, back to why I was screaming at Frank. He had just announced to me that he had dropped out of college, as he had planned. I was so angry at him, because he was my role model, and I looked up to him. Now I have a brother that is a college drop-out only to go on a tour with a band that might not last very long like his old band, Pencey Prep.

I then heard a car rock up outside my mum's house, where I was now. I jumped of the bed and looked out the window. It was Gerard, with Tracy, his brother Mikey, the guitarist Ray (who was like my second older brother), and Matt, who was the drummer. Tracy was smothering Gerard like a puppy dog.

Personally, I thought it was revolting. I think Gerard and Ray also thought that too as they both look disgusted. I decided to greet them all, and give them a good talking to. I opened my bedroom door that I recently slammed and yelled out to Frank that his "boys" were here as I bounded down the stairs.

I opened the door as soon as they rung the doorbell and greeted them all warmly and asked them all to come in. I squeezed Ray with all my might as he did back to me.

"Where's Mr. Hypo?" Asked Mikey.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you all about that," I said to them, motioning them to the living room.

"Why the HELL did you let Frank drop out of college? What if your band doesn't work? I will be the one picking up the pieces of my brother's life just for this stupid opportunity for you guys to go on tour? What if you don't make it to the big time? Frank will be jobless and it will be your entire fault!"

"Annie, calm down," said Gerard calmly. I looked at him.

"It's alright for you, isn't it? Your back up plan is to be an artist. But what about Frank?" I asked him snappily.

"I'm in the same situation, Annie," said Mikey, hugging me.

"I have just dropped out as well. WE have a back-up plan though, Frank and I. We are going to work at my old job at Barnes and Noble." He said. I just laughed.

"Yeah, real good back-up plan. I can just see it now, when you retire, you'll be the face of Barnes and Nobel everywhere. They all gave me a sarcastic smirk.

"Don't worry Ann, everything will sort itself out." Said Ray.

"I hope so, otherwise your entire are going to have to answer to me. I'm going to check up on Frank." And I walked out of the room.

Typical, I thought to myself. Those boys are so stupid! At least Matt, Gerard and Ray have finished college; they'll be fine if the band falls through. I can't believe how Tracy just stood there; not thinking what may happen to Frank and Mikey. She looked like she was in another world.

I knocked on Frank's door. No answer. I shrugged and opened the door and was shocked at what I saw.

Chapter 2

It was Frank, on his bedroom floor, crying and blood dripping down his legs.

"Frank!" I screamed. I ran over and helped him up. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself every time I see you?" I asked him as we sat on his bed.

"B-because I felt so bad for l-letting you down. I only s-see you four times a y-year during the holidays and I really d-don't want to spend all that time fighting. I also have just f-found out that Polly has been ch-cheating on me with Adam, my best friend, Adam! I just want to curl up in a ball and d-die. I need help A-Annie, I really do!" And then he dissolved into tears again. I gave him a big hug.

"Oh Frank, don't say you want to die again! Remember the hell we went through with is five years ago when mum and dad divorced? I don't want to go through it again. Also, I thought the whole reason for this band was to save people's lives. How can you do that when you are trying to demolish yours?" I rubbed his back affectionately.

"I guess you're right. The boys are here, aren't they?" I nodded.

"Well, I'll get myself cleaned up while you entertain the boys a little longer. And don't blame them for me dropping out of college. It was my decision, not theirs." I smiled and nodded again. I gave Frank one last fleeting hug and opened his door.

"Oh, and hey sis?" he said before I closed the door.

"Thanks," He simply said and gave me a watery smile. I smiled back and headed towards the living room.

"So, Brian, our new manager said that we need a permanent driver for this trip," Gerard said while I handed out drinks to everybody. Frank had now joined us with a smile on his face.

"I would do is sweetie, but I have to work," Said Tracy batting her eyelashes. Man, I hated her.

"That's okay sugar, I understand. Does anyone here know someone who would do it? It's only two weeks of a job and we don't smell THAT bad." He said. He sounded like he was stressed. He was very cute that way. Get it…way! That is when I had a great idea!

"I know someone that could do it!" I exclaimed.

Gerard snapped his head up at me. "Who?" He asked anxiously.

"Me!" I said excitedly.

"Oh my god that's a great idea! I mean, you did pass the test with flying colours, didn't you, I remember Frank saying?" Asked Mikey.

"I also drove myself down here to Jersey," I blushed. I hated it when all the attention was on me.

"Not just beauty, but brains too!" exclaimed Ray sarcastically who was sitting beside me. I shoved him.

"Hey!" he yelped. "What was that for?" I smiled cheekily at him until he tickled my sides. I laughed and squirmed so hard that he only stopped when I accidentally stopped when I fell in Gerard's lap who was on my other side. I coughed and jumped off him quickly. I was pretty sure that I was blushing furiously.

"So, getting to a more serious note, do I get paid?" I asked no one in particular.

"Sure you do," Said Matt. "You get paid by me."

"Oh," I said. "How much?"

"Depends on how good your driving skills are." His eyes flashed weirdly into mine. Matt was the only one out of all the boys that creeped me out a little.

"I'll take it!" I said smiling. "I get to hang out with my brother and all his smelly friends for two weeks before I have to come back and face reality… college applications, urgh!" Everyone laughed except for Gerard. He actually hadn't spoken since I mentioned I could take the job. I looked at him oddly. All the boys and Tracy then stood up and made their way outside for a cigarette. I decided to join them. Not to smoke, I think it's a disgusting habit, but just for some company before I left.

I was going to hang with my old friends whom I haven't seen in six months. There was Daniel, Jacob, Eliza and Abbie. We were going bowling and I was so excited! I really missed them all. It's hard leaving your life you used to have before moving to another state…

Chapter 3

When I was ten and frank was twelve, we noticed a lot of changes in both our parents. It was like we were an unwanted chore to look after and while one of them was out, all night; the other would stay and drown their sorrows by drinking. When they were home together, they would argue non-stop. This went on for one and a half years. So, by the time I was around eleven and a half, and Frank was thirteen, my parents finally separated.

Our mum was a lot happier and she started dating other men. My dad, on the other hand, wasn't taking it so well. He was always having one night stands and drinking, although he would try and hide it from Frank and I.

Six months later, we were all in court and our parents were filing a divorce and were now fighting over new things; the custody of Frank and I. It went on for one long, crazy month. Frank got really depressed. He tried committing suicide twice and both times it was I who found him. He would always be locked in his bedroom, crying, with blood dripping down his wrists, like I had found him before. We felt like possessions and we hated it.

No one at school knew what was going on, but our closest friends knew something was up. I wouldn't eat, sleep and sometimes I wore the same clothes day after day. Finally it was decided that I would live with my dad and Frank would live with mum. We threw the biggest tantrums as we were really close, but no one cared. I remember the night dad announced to me over dinner that we were moving to Pennsylvania.

I ran outside and ran to Frank and mum's house and ran into Frank's room where I cuddled up in bed with him together for the last time. Now every second holiday I go to Jersey and every first holiday, Frank will come and visit me in Pennsylvania. I would call and text Frank every day. Although we live in different states, we were still really close. Unfortunately, I was slowly getting used to it.

Just then, my friends rocked up in Eliza's car….

Chapter 3 part 2

I gave Ray and Frank a fleeting hug and I called, "goodbye" as I ran down the footpath and sat in the car next to Abbie. Out of everyone, I was closest to Abbie and Daniel. It was normal for us to talk to each other on the phone twice a week for hours at a time. I went to pre-school with Abbie and Adam was Frank's best friend (although I don't know if they were anymore because of what had happened with Frank's girlfriend). I met Daniel through Abbie, we used to go out, but we decided it would be better if we were friends. He was going out with Abbie now anyway.

When I jumped in the car, Abbie screamed, I screamed and then we laughed together. I gave everyone a hug and kiss before we drove off and made our way to the bowling alley.

"So," Eliza started. "Who was that hottie with the longish, black hair?" She asked me.

"That was Gerard and he has a girlfriend so he is off limits. Not to mention he is five years older than us." She was always on the lookout for guys to hit on.

"Dang!" she said. "Why are the good looking ones always taken?" I silently agreed.

"I'm not taken." Said Jacob evilly.

"That may be so, but we've already tried that one remember?" Eliza replied. I remembered that as that's how we became friends with Eliza. I wasn't really close to her though as her boy hunting put me off quite a bit.

We ended up playing two games of bowling, me coming last both times. It was all good fun though as we laughed about the good times when I used to live permanently here in Jersey. Every time they would mention something I didn't understand I felt a pang of hurt in my stomach wishing I'd never moved to Pennsylvania. But I guess I've moved on with new friends called Tommy, Alex and Jodie. Everyone had met each other and they all surprisingly kept in touch. We all went for pizza and ice cream and by 9:00, I was home.

I dumped my bag in the hallway and made my way to the lounge. Mum was asleep and Frank was up watching the television with Ray whom was sleeping over that night, as per usual. They all had a drink in their hands. I decided to join them and I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and flopped on the couch beside Ray, laying my head on his shoulder.

"Guys, I'm depressed." I announced while they were watching "Loony Tunes".

"Why? Did something happen with your friends?" Asked Ray.

"Well, kind-of. I just felt really left out like I have missed out on so much while I haven't been here. Even though I do talk to Abs and Dan every week, I'm still not in the middle of things, ya know?" I said while tears ran down my face. They had been threatening to fall all night, so I just let them be.

Frank stood up and sat next to me and gave me a cuddle.

"Sis, it's okay, they're missing out on a lot of things in your life too. I think they were just trying to make you jealous. It hurts a lot and it doesn't get any better. I miss you every day when you are gone, I always do."

I squeezed him tighter. I hate it how sometimes people hate their sibling without legitimate reason. They're always there for you as blood it thicker than water. Always.

Chapter 4

It was Monday morning on the holidays at seven am. Normally, seventeen year old girls would be in bed, but I wasn't. I was out of bed, outside, with a coffee in one hand, and a mobile phone in the other. Frank was beside me, yawning and surrounding us was one big suitcase full of both our stuff inside. We were waiting for the other boys to get here with the van that Mikey and Gerard's grandmother bought them so I could start my duty to them as "driver" or "chauffer".

Finally, the van rocked up with a trailer behind it which was graphitized on it in all different colours. It said "My Chemical Romance" all over it. I think it was one of Gerard's crazy ideas, but it was effective, none the less.

For the first few hours, it was chaotic. It was eight o'clock in the morning and I was trying to concentrate on the driving while the five boys were hyped up on coffee and were exited about the days to come. But, as we were on the highway for three hours, it gradually turned quiet as most of them fell off to sleep. Ray kept me company in the front seat, but I could tell he was getting tired.

"Ray, you don't have to stay up for me. Go to sleep, its fine." He smiled at me as he closed his eyes.

"Thanks Annie, you're the best," and he fell asleep immediately.

I smiled and decided to turn up the radio while I placed my favourite CD into the player. It was Frank's old band "Pencey Prep" and I changed the track to "The Secret Goldfish". It was a very cute song and Frank wrote it with the help of me. We were both obsessed with the book "The Catcher in the Rye" when we made it up, so we thought the title was very appropriate. After the song had finished, I let the CD play through and just as the last song finished, Frank came from behind me and squeezed me tight from behind.

"Thank you for doing this, sis. Especially on your holiday when it is your time to see mum and your friends."

"That's okay, Frankie, but I also wanted to spend as much time with you, not just mum and my friends, but I also did it for the money." I grinned cheekily at him.

"I knew there was another reason!" He said.

He then kissed my cheek and went and sat back down in the back of the van. I love my brother and I miss him every time I have to go back to Pennsylvania.

The weeks of the tour went really fast, but it was so much fun. I loved travelling with the boys and I loved watching them perform every night. On the second Tuesday, Gerard was really down and upset. I asked what was wrong and he told me that Tracy dumped him for this guy at her work. She had been cheating on Gerard for months now and she wanted to spill the beans now, before he came back so she wouldn't have to see him again.

"We'd been together for six years, what am I going to do now?" He said, crying into my shoulder.

"She isn't worth it, Gee. Once you get famous, she'll want you back, but she doesn't deserve you, not now, not ever." I rubbed his back affectionately.

"Thanks Annie, you're the best. I have to admit though, when you suggested to come on this trip, I didn't want you to come because I thought a guy would be better for the job. I guess I was wrong and I'm sorry." He said to me and kissed me on the cheek.

He then got up and walked away. I was in shock. Gerard kissed my cheek! It was the happiest moment for me of the trip.

Chapter 5

It was the last show of the tour and everyone was getting ready to go on stage in two hours time. I decided to go up to Matt to inquire about my pay for the trip. "Oh, you can get it tonight. I want to do it away from the boys though, because I think you deserve a pay rise. Meet me near the toilet blocks at around nine pm and make some lame story up about where you are going, okay?" I nodded and smiled. He was still awfully creepy to me.

So at nine o'clock, I made my way to the toilet blocks as I told the guys that I was going to have a shower. I saw Matt in the alley between the two toilet blocks and I said, "So, where is the money?" "Oh money," he replied. "That isn't how you are going to get paid, sweetheart, this was." He grabbed me and started kissing my neck. I was in shock. "Get off me!" I yelped as I tried to get out of his strong grip, but I was too weak.

That night was the first night I got raped. It was by Matt Pelissier, one of my brother's close friends.

Chapter 6

After that incident, I sat in the alley way for half an hour, and feeling so helpless. I didn't know who to turn to or what to do. I felt really alone and lost. What if Frank and the boys didn't believe me and sided with Matt? I just didn't know anymore.

After a while, I went into the toilet blocks and washed my face. Near the sink, I found a razor blade, like the ones Frank used to cut himself with.

Before I knew it, the blade was in my hand and blood was dripping down my wrist like running water. Now I know why Frank did this when he was depressed. It felt so sickly good. In a strange way, I felt kind of better once I did it. I then washed the razor and slipped it into my pocket. I then washed my arms and face once more before returning into the van.

That night, I didn't go to the boy's last show. I couldn't bear to see either Matt or Frank's faces. Instead I fell asleep in the van as I waited for them to come back, drunk, into the van.

Chapter 7

I was so happy to be back home when we reached there. Gerard was still upset with Tracy, and I couldn't blame him. I decided one day to go to the park with the My Chem boys and my friends.

Once they were all introduced, I couldn't help but notice that Eliza was batting her eyelashes at Gerard. I felt like saying, "Back off, he's mine!" but I just sat down on the grass next to Frank while Eliza flirted with Gerard all afternoon. The bad thing was, he looked interested and was flirting back.

We all decided to sleep over at my mum's house that night and have a "Ghostbuster" marathon. I talked through most of the movie with Abbie, Dan and Jacob. Eliza was too busy curling up with Gee. It made me sick!

I needed to go to the bathroom so I excused myself from the rest of the group. After I was finished, Matt was waiting for me outside the door. "This can be our own little secret, you and I," he whispered in my ear. I tried to push him away, but he dragged me into the bathroom and whispered again, "You need to be paid for your driving skills, sweetheart, so do as I say, don't tell anyone and Mattie will not hurt you in any way." I nodded silently, frightened out of my wits. How could he do this to me, in my own house? The place where I was supposed to feel most safe?

That night was the second time I got raped, by none other than Matt Pelissier again.

Chapter 8

I felt well and truly sick after Matt left me alone in the bathroom. My mascara was dripping down my face so fast. I tidied myself up a bit and went back into the living room. I saw Matt sitting there, smirking at me.

This time, I felt really unwell. I was about to say something when…I threw up all over the floorboards and a bit on the couch. I then burst into tears. I had never felt this sick in my entire life. I collapsed on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. Frank, Abbie, Daniel, Ray and Mikey all ran to my aid while Gerard, Eliza, Jacob and Matt all sat up, turned off the television and made their way slowly towards me.

Luckily mum was out; otherwise she would've had a fit. Frank knelt down and helped me up. I fell into his arms and whispered, "I just w-want to disappear. H-help me do that, Frank," and with that he clutched me tighter and excused us so he could help me clean myself up for the second time that night.

After we had finished, I went into my room with Frank as he tucked me into bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me. I shook my head meaning no. He jumped beside me and gave me a huge hug.

"I'll always be there for you, whenever you want me to be." I started to sob again. "Shh sweetie, it's okay. I'm sure whatever it is, it will sort itself out."

"Frank," I started,

"What would you do if you had a secret and if you let that spill, it would endanger your own life, but in saying that, the secret would be worth knowing?" He thought about it and replied,

"Well, I would let the secret be shared with others, but make sure the people or person that threatened you doesn't know. Is there something you wanted to tell me Ann?" I shook my head once more.

"I think I might just rest."

"Okay, but tell me if you decide to tell me that something."

"Okay Frank, thank you. You're the best brother a girl could have. Do you mind staying with me until I fall asleep, like we used to when we were young?" He smiled at me and said,

"Shove over."

Frank's POV

"She's asleep," I said to the others when I got back into the lounge room. The mess of Annie had disappeared.

"Who did the cleaning?" I asked.

"We did!" chimed Abbie, Daniel and Ray.

"Thank you so much," I said sincerely to them.

"So, what's wrong with her, did she tell you?" asked Matt.

"No," I replied.

"She only said she was feeling ill, but I don't think it was just that. I have a feeling something else is going on." Matt nodded and went back to watching "Ghostbusters".

Now I know how it felt to see me all depressed in Annie's shoes. As much as she tried to hide it when I was helping her clean up, I noticed red scars on her wrist. I didn't comment though as she was so upset and I didn't want to make it worse. What was it that made her so ill? Why was she so worried? What was going on? Those three questions were nagging inside my mind all night. I was so worried about my sister and as me being the oldest, I should look after her, but I just don't know how to.

Chapter 9

Annies POV

I woke up, dazed and confused. I then remembered the events of last night kicking in. I walked into the bathroom and pulled out of my pocket, the razor. I relined the marks I make in the previous days and once I was done, I sighed. When did I become like this? I was always angry with Frank for doing it, but I just couldn't seem to help myself.

I cleaned myself up and wore my new Misfits wristband to cover up the scars. I made my way downstairs where I was engulfed by hugs y everyone, except Matt.

"Where's Matt?" I asked Ray.

"Oh, he had to go home, he said he was meeting up with some of his old friends." I nodded silently.

"Or he didn't want to see me," I thought.

"Are you feeling okay?" Daniel asked me, concerned.

"Yeah, it must've been something I ate." I lied.

"Well, become a vegetarian like me!" cried Frank.

"Not gonna happen bro! I love meat too much!" I laughed as I engulfed him into a hug.

"Thank you for last night." I whispered into his ear. He just smiled.

"Who wants pancakes?" I asked as I waltzed into the kitchen. I was leaving in a few days and hopefully I won't see Matt again unless I have to.

Chapter 10

The next three day went with a flash. I spent most of it with Frank, mum, Daniel, Abbie and Ray.

Finally, I packed up the car and I turned around not really ready to say goodbye to everyone.

All of a sudden, a car rocked up outside of mum's house and out hopped Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Brian. Eliza, Daniel, Abbie and Jacob were already at my house to say goodbye. I ran straight to Ray and hugged him tight.

"I'm going to miss you," I said.

"Me too. Don't forget to call, though," I nodded. Brain came up to me.

"Here's the money for the driving," he said to me handing me a cheque.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I got my pay. Being with my brother and his friends for two whole weeks and watching them perform was my pay. Use that money for them in any way they need it." I said. He nodded and stepped back so I could go and say goodbye to everyone. I hugged Mikey then Gerard.

"Thank you again Annie for helping me get over Tracy. You're talking to me helped a lot. Just to let you know so you don't get a shock I need to call you to ask you something," I smiled. We were getting closer, I knew it. Maybe he was going to ask me out! I was really excited as I put my dad's home number and my cell number into his cell. I turned to Abbie, Daniel, Jacob and Eliza. I gave them all hugs and received kisses from Dan and Abs.

"We'll talk soon. Tell me which weekend you guys are free and you can come up to Pennsylvania!" They all nodded and then I turned to my mum. She was really quiet. I gave her a big hug. "

I'll miss you, I always do, call me." She gave me an awkward smile. I then turned to my brother. This was the hardest goodbye. I turned to him.

"Thank you for everything. Call me every day." Tears were now streaming down my face as he pulled me into a hug.

"Promise me you'll stop cutting yourself. Yes I do know about it, don't look surprised. Please, for me, stop." I nodded and pulled him tighter to me.

"I miss you already," I said as I pulled away. He was crying as well now. Mikey stepped up to me.

"Matt said to say goodbye and he'll keep in touch. We know you stole our CD out of Frank's room so we decided to give you your own, free of charge and it's signed!" I gave him a hug to say thanks.

"So this is goodbye everyone," I blew everyone a kiss and gave Frank one more hug. "See you soon."

"Call me otherwise I won't talk to you when I see you in three months." I jumped into the car when Frank and mum said,

"Goodbye, I love you!" I started the engine and headed for the highway. Away from Matt, away from Gerard and away from mum and Frank.

Chapter 11

I arrived home to find dad in the garage playing on his new drum kit. He was like a young teenager. My grandfather also played the drums so it kinda ran in the family and they were so excited when Frank showed an interest in guitar. As for me, I stuck to singing, my acoustic guitar, the piano and making up songs. That's how I helped rank write "The Secret Goldfish".

I ran up to my dad and gave him a really big hug. I then went inside, unpacked and then rang Frank and mum to let them know I arrived safely home. I heard the doorbell ring, so I answered it. I was shocked to see that it was Matt Pelisser standing there with a smile on his face.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to say goodbye sweetie, but I had things to do. The boy's don't know I'm here, so let's keep it our little secret. I told your dad I was your boyfriend and he was fine with it." He said, still grinning like he was pleased with himself.

"So what are you doing here now?" I asked him, shaking not with anger, but fright.

"I came to say goodbye. I won't see you in another six months, or will I? I mean, I now know where you live." He said. He walked inside the house and I followed.

"So, which one is your room?" He asked me. I pointed to the room on our right. He then pushed me inside and locked the dor so my dad couldn't come in. He then threw me on the bed and went around my room and shut all my blinds. He came back to me and smothered me with kisses.

"Why me?" I asked him squeakily.

"Because you're so confident and I wanted to rip it right out from underneath you. Frank told me all about you, how you were the perfect girl. So I knew from then on I had to rip it right out of you." He replied, not stopping what he was doing. I felt so alone now more than ever. I wanted Frank beside me to tell me that everything was going to be okay. It had been only four hours since I was home and I missed my brother more than anything in the world.

After Matt finished whatever he ended up doing to me (it was all a blur), he left. I don't know where he went or if he was coming back. I picked up my clothes, put them in the wash basket and turned on the shower to try and get Matt's smell off of me.

I then saw the razor I used the past two times this happened to me in the shower. I was way past crying now. It was all about being scared, being angry and being alone. Very alone. I then grabbed the razor I used the past times and cut, and cut so deep and hard. Harder than I had ever done before. Once I finished, I made sure the blood had all gone from the shower cubicle and turned off the water.

Once I was clean, Matt free and dry, I heard my phone ring. I was excited to see that it was Gee.

"Hey!" I exclaimed into the phone.

"Hey, how was your trip, good?"

"Yeah it was actually. So what did you need to tell me?" I asked curiously.

"Well, I was just wondering if you'd be okay if…" I listened intently,

"If I asked Eliza out. I just really, really like her Annie." I felt like I had just been shot. I like Gerard and then SHE just comes along and BANG! He's under her spell. Tears started to drip down my face.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I must've been quiet for a long time.

"Yeah, sure am! Look, I don't mind, I just don't want you to get hurt okay? I just want you to be safe. 'Liza likes to play with boy's emotions, so just be careful." I said, not really believing that I was actually giving him permission.

"Thank you so much Annie. It really means a lot to me. I thought I was just ask you first as she is your friend and you are Frank's sister." Oh so I was just "Frank's sister", was I.

"Yeah its cool," I said hurriedly before I couldn't take hold of my actions.

"Look, my dad's calling me. Was there anything else?" I lied.

"No, just this. I'll see you in six months Annie and thank you once again."

"No worries. Tell everyone I said hi." I replied and hung up. I was crying hard now. I decided to call Frank…

Chapter 12

"Hello?" said Frank on the other line.

"Hey Frankie! It's your sister!" I exclaimed trying to sound excited.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" I hesitated. Should I tell him about Matt or Gerard?

"I'm not the best. Listen, I grew into liking someone when I was in Jersey and now he has just asked Eliza aka biggest skank ever out and I don't know what to do!" I said tears welling up in my eyes.

"Are you talking about Gee?" Asked Frank.

"Dammit! Am I that obvious?" I said angrily.

"Haha, kinda honey. Also Gee has gone out with her tonight. I was so angry with him, but I guess he has to follow his instincts at the moment." Frank was always right.

"Also Frank, something's going on with me and I don't know how to stop it. It's causing me to slip my wrists! I used to be so angry when you did it, but how did you stop?" I asked.

"I stopped the problem, of course. It didn't make me so upset when you and I talked on the phone everyday. It helped me a lot." I thought. Should I tell him, or should I wait?

"Listen Annie, what do you think of a scorpion tattoo?" He asked me.

"I think that'd look awesome!" I said.

"Why, did you get one?"

"Yeah I got it after you left. It's on my neck as high as they would allow it."

"You WHAT!" I screamed.

"That is SO like you! How AWSOME!" I was so happy for him. He must've had a really good feeling about this band.

"What's awesome?" dad asked me as he walked into the room.

"Oh, hey dad! Frank got a tattoo, on his neck as high as it would go. It's a sc-…" but I couldn't finish the sentence.

"HE WHAT! Give the phone to me!" He bellowed. I smirked as dad snatched the phone angrily off me. Man, I knew this was going to happen.

"What the FUCK were you thinking? What if this band falls through? How will you be able to get a proper job?" He was silent for a few moments.

"Look, I know you want to trace my footsteps, but that doesn't mean tattoos! I'll talk to you later." He said sternly and handed me the phone. This was going to be interesting…

Chapter 13

Six months later…

I was back on the highway heading towards New Jersey. I was excited to see mum and Frank, but a bit scared to see the My Chem boys. Once a month, or maybe every two weeks, Matt would come to my house, or catch me walking home from College, and rape me. Each time, I was sadly getting used to it, but my emotional and physical scars were getting harder to cover up. I tried to stop Matt, but as he was stronger and I was too weak, he pushed harder into me every time I tried to push him away.

There was no one to talk to, I felt so alone. I couldn't talk to Jodie, Tommy, Alex, Frank or mum or even dad. I knew there were help lines and stuff, but I was so scared that Matt would find out and do something bad to Frank.

On a happier note, Frank now had a girlfriend named Lauren and we were really close, well, as close as you could get on msn and cell phones. She was a real sweetie and for some reason, Frank wasn't all "lovey dovey" with her. In my opinion, he was just using her to get over Polly. I felt really sorry for her as she was so nice. I was really excited to meet her in person.

Talking about relationships, Eliza and Gerard were now officially an item. I was really upset about that as I thought Gerard could do better than that. Every time I talked to him on the phone (yes we were now good friends and kept in touch) he was so happy, happier than he was with Tracy and he came out of his shyness a bit. However, when I talked to Eliza, she just mentioned Gee like he was a handbag. She knew with their next album they were working on would be a hit, so she clung onto Gerard, and said all the right things to make him stay with her.

I arrived at mum and Frank's house at around three o'clock in the afternoon. As soon as Frank heard my car rock up out the front, he was outside pulling me out of the car, so he could give me a hug. I squeezed him with all my might and before I knew it, I burst into tears. He clung onto me tighter, rocking me back and fourth to calm me down. When we talked on the phone, he would always ask if everything was okay and as hard as I would try to convince him that I was fine, he didn't sound convinced at all.

After I got settled and smothered by my mum, I decided that I should go and say hi to My Chem. Hopefully Matt wouldn't be there.

I tagged along with Frank to band practise and I flopped down on the couch in the Way's garage. There was a guy sitting next to me with short, ginger hair, bright blue eyes and a lot of piercings. I turned to hi.

"Hi, I'm Annie," I held out my hand. He took it shyly.

"I'm Bob. The Used's sound mixer." He replied.

"Oh my god! I've heard so much about you! Frank talks about you all the time!"

"And I've heard so much about you! Frank will come to us every day and say, "You'll never guess what Annie did today."" I smiled and we chatted some more. Five minutes later, Frank came bouncing into the garage with Matt behind him, grinning evilly at me. I jumped up, scared out of my wits. He still scared me even though I knew he was going to be there.

"Uhh, I realized I have to go guys. I'm meeting up with Dan, Abbie and Jacob. Nice to meet you, Bob. Nice to see everyone again and I'll see you soon." And I ran out of the room. I ran down the road, down to Abbie's house as her and the Way's lived in the same street. I ran past Eliza who was on her way to band practise. Urgh! I couldn't get away from it all! I just anted to disappear.

As soon as I reached Abbie's house, the door opened and Abbie came out and engulfed me into a hug. She then stepped aside so Dan could do the same thing. I'm so glad I had friends here. I then looked around the room. There was another girl standing there. She had long, blondish hair and magnificent blue-green eyes. She was about Frank's height, which meant around 5'3".

"Hi." She said to me.

"You must be Annie, I'm Lauren." I then clicked to where I had seen her before. I engulfed her into a big hug.

"Haha hey, finally nice to meet you." I said and we all made our way to Abbie's lounge room and talked.

This is where I was safe. This is where I called home.

Chapter 14

I started really thinking about my life, and I came to a conclusion. I really wanted to end it.

I loved my family and my friends, but I wasn't a whole person around them anymore. Every time I went to see Frank, Gerard and Eliza were there. Then, when I tried to leave, Matt would always follow me and rape me. I was too used to it to be scared anymore.

I was back at my dad's house and I realized it had been a year exactly since Matt started raping me. I was in my room, crying, wanting everything to end.

Suddenly, I had the urge to go. To leave my life and my being. I was outside and sat by the pool. Did I mention it was winter? I then took off all my clothes and jumped in. The water was icy cold and pierced my pores like they were being continually stabbed. I wasn't a really good swimmer. I waded my way into the deep end and said, "this is it," and let go of my breath.

Suddenly, I was dizzy, my head was spinning. I was a glimpse of a familiar looking man, screaming, then everything went black…

Chapter 15

I could hear a beeping noise. What was it? Was I dead or alive? I could also hear a whispering. Maybe they were angels or God? I decided to open my eyes to see what was going on.

"Oh my God, she's awake!" Said a male voice. I looked at him and smiled to see it was Frank. He engulfed me into a hug, well an embrace as I was covered in wires. I started to panic. Where the fuck was I? the beeping noise that woke me up started to get faster and faster. I burst into tears. What was happening? Frank looked all worried and was hushing me as he stroked my forehead and swept the strands of hair from my face. All of a sudden a girl in a white lab coat came and sat next to me.

"Hey Annie, I'm Jamia. You're in the Pennsylvania Private Hospital. You almost drowned in your dad's swimming pool, do you remember?" I nodded while fresh tears leaked out of my eyes. Why didn't it work? Why was I still here? Jamia left after she checked everything was okay and I saw her blush and smile at Frank before she left.

"Someone has a crush on you," I said croakily to Frank in a sing-song voice. He blushed deeply.

"How long have I been gone for?" I asked shutting my eyes.

"Around four months," he said.

"Four months! FOUR months! Are you serious?" It must've kinda worked then, my attempt to end my life.

"We never thought you were going to wake up." Said Frank teary-eyed. I placed his hand into both of mine and clutched him tightly.

"Why were you outside anyway? On such a cold day?" I shuddered.

"I'm tired. I might go to sleep. I'll tell you in the morning." I said. Shit, what was my excuse this time?

Chapter 16

The next few days, I felt really sorry for Frank. My parent visited me each day and I was truly grateful that my mum stayed in my room at my dad's house as she took time off work. They were actually acting sugary sweet towards each other, my parents. It was strange as they hadn't seen eye to eye for years. Frank however, stayed at the hospital with me; made sure I ate and kept me company 24/7. I was overwhelmed as they told me as My Chem. had finished making their second album called, "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge." They were also about to film their first official video shoot. He said that he was going to come and visit me after the filming.

I knew I needed to tell him about Matt and the suicide attempt. I just kept on saying after he asked me a few times about the suicide attempt, that I was looking for Tre (my dog, stop laughing, I named her when I was 5!) and I slipped into the water accidentally. He didn't seem to believe me, but he didn't question me any further. That's what I loved about Frank. He knew that I would tell him in all good time.

My injuries, well there were quite a few. I broke my leg in three places where my dad dragged me out of the pool and the left side of my body was paralysed for a couple of days. It was the stupidest thing I had ever done, but you know one thing, I wish I still wasn't here.

Gerard came in to see me the other day, without Eliza, thank god. He came in to tell me how sorry he was that I was here and I could tell he was actually a little high. They were just about to perform at a show so I was actually shocked to see him there. Mikey then came into the room and dragged Gerard out of the hospital by his collar, apologising to me that I had to see him like this.

Last night, I woke up crying. Frank was immediately at my side hushing me. I had had a nightmare. It was about Matt. He had the "rage" disease like in the movie "28 weeks later". He gave it to me by raping me. Then I gave it somehow to Frank.

"Its okay sweetie, go back to sleep. I won't see you in the morning as we are doing the video shoot for "I'm Not Okay."" He said after I calmed down. I nodded and closed my eyes. I made the decision that I was going to tell Frank tomorrow when he visited me. It can't keep going on like this!

Chapter 17

When I woke up, Frank wasn't there. I felt a little shaken after my dream last night and I thought, as soon as I got out of here, I will make sure I don't have an STI and double check that I'm not pregnant.

I smiled as Frank walked in with the boys and Bob in the afternoon. Matt wasn't there because he was apparently "busy". Ah well, better for me. I chatted with the boys for a while and then I turned to Frank and said, "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?"

He nodded and the boys shuffled out of the room.

"Frank, I've wanted to tell you this for ages, but I haven't had the courage. Please don't be angry once I tell you and wait until I have finished until you say something, even if I start to cry." He nodded for me to continue.

"Well, the night I almost drowned, it wasn't an accident, it was a suicide attempt." I heaved a big breath in. "I had been feeling depressed and I was scared that if I told anyone or sought for help, someone would kill you or myself. Since the end of the last show on your first tour I was continually raped. The scary thing is, though, it's one of your friends. The one who excuses himself once a week. Someone who wants to ruin my confidence and make sure that there was one thing in my life that wasn't perfect. It's Matt, Frank. Now don't go and kill him right now. I want you to listen to me as it is my entire fault. I didn't go for help. I let him control me up until the time I attempted to commit suicide. I started to slit my wrists because of him. I let him control me and I'm so sorry." Tears were leaking violently down my face but I didn't really have the care to wipe them away. Frank just sat there with hatred in his eyes.

"Annie, it's not your fault. He was in the wrong. Do you mind if I tell the guys?" I shook my head as I was crying. He started to cry as well. "Don't cry. I should've said something as I knew there was something wrong. I'm so sorry!" He cried and I scooted over on my bed and we lay in each other's arms and cried until we fell asleep.

We were woken up an hour later by Mikey as he jumped on the bed. It woke both Frank and I up.

"So, what's news?" asked Ray. I looked at Frank and nodded for him to tell them. He smiled at me and said,

"Guy's I really need to talk to you. I'll say it out of the room as I'm sure Annie doesn't want to go through with it again." They all went outside, confused.

Ten minutes later, I heard yelling outside my ward. Gerard, Mikey and Frank all came into my room. The Way brothers hugged me tightly.

Gerard then said, "You'll get through this, I know you will. Have faith and talk, talk to us, your parents or your trusty brother. I've been through something similar before and I don't want to see you spiral downwards like I did. Don't be afraid to keep on living, you won't get through this alone." Both Gerard and I were now in tears. I hugged him with all my might as he was so right. He made me notice that I had something, something to live for.

Chapter 18

I was propped up on my hospital bed a few days after Frank told his friends and my parents about the thing with Matt. I was talking to the police and describing every incident that Matt raped me in great detail. Frank was holding my hand tightly as he sat next to me. I was shaking slightly as I remembered every single incident. My parents were there as well and they hadn't spoken to me in days. I think they felt ashamed of me attempting to commit suicide, but I had to make them understand. It. WAS. My. FAULT. I decided that I was going to press charges against Matt as I didn't want him to do this to any other girls. On the weekend, Annie, Dan, Jacob, Eliza, Tommy, Jodie and Alex all came to see me. They all felt like they were talking to a fragile person when they first walked in, but as they left, we were all in hysterics.

I had been out of the coma for two week and so much had happened! I had become really good friends with my nurse, Jamia and we promised each other that we would keep in touch. I found out she liked the kind of music that my brother and I were into and she was the same age as Frank. This was her first year in nursing, but she wanted to quit as she wanted to be a guitar tech like her older brother! I told her that Frank was in MCR and she thought they were fantastic.

One day, it was one of the last days I was in hospital, the Way brothers came in to visit. They also brought their friend, Bert McCracken from "The Used". He was SO hot! I couldn't believe it! When you see him, like on television, he looks like a total grot, but oh my God! I couldn't stop staring at him! While I was staring at him, Gee told me some interesting news. Matt got kicked out of the band. I was wrapped! They were, however, struggling to find a new drummer. "How about Bob?" I suggested. Mikey whacked his forehead. "Fantastic idea! Why didn't I think of that?" I smiled. Frank told me he heard rumours of Bob being a skilled drummer. They next day, they were going to do the re-filming of the "I'm not Okay" video and decided to ask Bob to join in after a practise tonight. It wasn't official, but maybe it would be. As they left, I slipped Bert my phone number and he kissed me on the cheek goodbye. Oh my god, I think I'm in love. Mikey made me snap out of my daydream as he was whining to Gerard pleading him to drive past Starbucks on their way to the highway. "Boys," I sighed to myself as they left the ward.

Chapter 19

"Welcome home!" Shouted everyone as I opened the door to my dad's house. I was so surprised that everyone was there. Everyone in My Chem (Bob was now officially the drummer, but they haven't been on a tour as of yet, they were leaving tomorrow for two months), my family, friends, Jamia and Bert were there. I was so happy. Finally after being in hospital for three weeks, I left. My leg was in a cast and would be for another week.

The party was two hours in, and I decided to go outside, struggling with my crutches. I heaved in a big breath when I saw the pool. I was facing my fear of seeing the place where I tried to end it all. My dad had had the pool emptied and there was a huge amount of dried blood from where I had been dragged out. I sat down opposite where the incident happened and I cried.

I cried because I attempted to kill myself, I cried because I let Matt make me this way, I cried because I let Frank and my parents down and I cried because, as many times I tried to warn Gee about Eliza, he wouldn't listen.

I then heard the gate of the pool close. I saw Bert walk tentatively towards me and sit down next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded.

"I'm fine, just a little overwhelmed to be home at the moment." We were silent for a few minutes.

"Is this where it all happened?" he asked me. I nodded again and burst into tears. He came closer to me and rubbed my back.

"Shh it's okay," hushed Bert.

"No it isn't okay. I let Matt get to me. I tried to end my life, not thinking of the effects it would have on everyone else around me! I'm so selfish!" Bert engulfed me into a hug.

"Honey, it will all get better, I promise. You can only learn from your mistakes and go forward. Trust me, I know." We sat in silence for a few more mintues. We heard some shouting from Gerard and Eliza. I heard words from Gerard like, "cheating" , "I trusted you" and "I love you". Eliza basically said nothing. Until she said. "Fine, it's over, have a nice life, Gerard." I was shocked.

"It's funny," said Bert. "What is?" I asked.

"One relationship is starting and another is ending." I smirked and looked deeply into his hazel eyes. We leaned in closer and then…we kissed.

Chapter 20

When we broke apart, I sighed. He was gorgeous. I felt bad though because Gee and Liz broke up and

they were both my friends

and

I still really liked Gee, but I was kissing Bert, his best friend!

We decided to go back into the party half an hour later to announce to everyone that we were together. We were about to get everyone quiet when Gerard stumbled into the room.

He was SOOOO drunk! He collapsed onto the floor in front of Bert and I. As I was helping him up, (I was struggling as I was using my crutches), he was giggling.

"Gee what are you doing to yourself?" I hissed at him, quietly.

"Hehe, I'm getting PISSED! Get it? PISSED! Haha. Eliza and I broke up and now I have nothing to live for!" And he fell back on the floor laughing.

"You do have something to life for! Your music, your fans, your family and friends? Doesn't that mean anything to you?" And Gerard just kept on laughing. I looked up to Bert with glassy eyes. I didn't want to cry. Gerard was throwing his life down the toilet and after what he said to me when I was in hospital, his drowning his sorrows!

I couldn't take it anymore! I went as fast as my crutches could carry me out of the front door and down to the park. Frank and I had really good memories playing down here when we were little kids when dad moved into this neighbourhood.

Just think of the song "You're Guardian Angel" By The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus while reading this…

I sat there for a while, crying and once again, thinking about my life. I didn't want to go through this again, but it seemed like I had to. It's like what Gerard said to me when I was in hospital wasn't true anymore. I then heard footsteps.

"Hey, why aren't you at the party?" said a male voice behind me. I whipped around. It was Frank.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"Well, I'm your brother, you were upset and I know you too well, do the math." I smiled.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me.

"Well, I was wondering if what Gerard said while I was in hospital was true. Did he really mean it?" I asked.

"Yes. The other day, Mikey told me that before I met Gerard, he was really depressed. I think he is now going through something more similar, but its alcohol related."

"Why though?" I asked, concerned.

"Because he feels like the only way to perform on stage is to be totally drunk, but now, he's addicted. He won't listen to any of us. On our last tour, his pants fell down on stage. I'm really worried." I leant over and gave Frank a big hug.

"He's going to be okay. He's a big boy. Just be there for him when he needs you to be." Frank nodded into my shoulder. We stood up and walked arm in arm back to my dad's place.

"So, what's up with you and Bert, sis?" Asked Frank as we walked through the door.

Chapter 21

It was really sad to watch Bert, Gerard, Frank and all the other boys leave to go on tour. I clung onto Bert with all my might and tried to make him stay. It didn't work, so I just kissed him passionately as he went into the car.

I then hugged Frank. We had been through a lot lately. He was now going out with Jamia. Lauren didn't mind as she started to go out with Quinn Allman from "The Used". He was really nice to her and they made a really cute couple. Frank was happy for her and they were still close friends.

Gerard was drinking 3 beers an hour. It was sickening to see him so drunk all the time. My heart was breaking. I gave him a hug and he pecked me on the lips. I was shocked. He whispered into my ear. "I love you,: and then he too, jumped into the car, just a little more awkwardly. I was shocked however[uhe was[/u drunk.

I hugged Bert and Frank one more time and they hopped into the car. "Call me every day otherwise I'll think something is wrong." They all smiled and I waved as they drove off.

As I went inside to my dad's house with his new girlfriend, Debbie. She was so nice. Dad told me that Matt had been sent to jail for two and a half years. He admitted that he needed help for all the things he did to me. I was happy and sad at the same time.

[b[uGerard kissed me![/u[/b I went upstairs to think about "certain things"…

Chapter 22

It was 3 O'Clock in the morning of July 2004 when I was awoken by my phone ringing. I answered it yawning. "H-hello?" I spoke into the phone.

"Hey Anne, it's me, Frank." He said his voice clearly shaken and upset.

"Hey, what's the matter bro, what happened?" I asked.

"It's Gerard. Last night he admitted that he wanted to commit suicide. I'm scared Annie, I really am. I don't want to loose my best friend to drugs and alcohol!" He said tearly. I was now in shock. Gerard was the one that told me if I was depressed I should go and get some help and now he has left it too late for himself and wants to commit suicide. I then realized that he would need someone who would understand, me.

"Where are you?" I asked as I turned on the internet to check flights.

"We're at the Florida Showgrounds on tour, why?"

"Frank, come and pick me up from the airport at around seven this morning. I'm coming." And before he was able to retort or reply, I hung up the phone.

I then started to pack my bags.

"Hold on Gerard," I whispered, "Annie's coming."

Chapter 23

I arrived in Florida at seven exactly. As soon as I collected my bags, I looked for Frank. I then saw him. His face was red and swollen from crying. I dropped my bags and ran up to him and engulfed him into a big hug. We both burst into tears and clung onto each other.

"I'm so glad you're here," He finally managed to choke out.

"Me too," I whispered. He then grabbed my bags and we silently hailed a taxi.

When I saw Gerard, I felt like I was going to cry. There was no life in him at all. He just existed, like a thing, breathing. I ran up to him and gave him a hug. He cried into my shoulder.

"I wanna pull out of this game we call life, Annie, it isn't fun anymore, I wanna stop playing." Tears leaked out of my eyes.

"Keep playing this game Gerard. You're doing well and you're on your way to winning. I promise you." We both went over to his bunk and lay down.

"Don't be afraid to keep on living," I said to him, telling him the words that he told me not long ago.

"You're not going to walk this world alone."

Chapter 24

The next morning I woke up before Gerard did. I rolled out of his bunk, and then opened up the bathroom cabinet. This bus was pretty big. I found all the pills and chucked them into a huge plastic bag. I then made my way to my next victim, the fridge. I opened it and threw out all the alcohol. Next place, the dumpsters outside.

On my way back, I passed The Used's bus. I really wanted to see and surprise Bert. I was dating him now, but it was hard to see each other as he was on tour. I knocked on the door and Quinn opened it. He said to me, "Who are you?"

"Hi," I replied. "you probably don't remember me, but I'm Annie, Lauren's friend, Frank's little sister?"

"Oh yeah! Hey! I remember you now! Sorry, last night was a late night. I'm guessing you want to see Bert?" I nodded and he let me in.

Quinn pointed me to Bert's bunk and I decided I was going to wake him up pleasently. I opened the curtain to his bunk and was crushed at what I saw.

It was Bert, in bed, with another woman. A woman who wasn't me. A woman who was beautiful. I decided to wake him up as unpleasantly as I could. Tears blurred my sight as I hand conncected with his cheek.

"What the Fuck?" He groaned waking up.

"HOW COULD YOU?" I shrieked. "I TRUSTED you!" and I stormed out of the bus and running straight into Mikey.

"What's wrong?" He asked hugging me seeing my face now cover with tears.

"It's B-bert." I said and collapsed into his arms…everything went black…

Chapter 25

I was awaken by cold water slapping my face gently. I moaned and held my head as I attempted, but failed miserably to sit up.

I slumped onto the pillows and opened my eyes slowly. Gerard's long hair was covering his face while gently sprinkling my face with a wet towel.

"It's okay Gerard, you can stop now," I said as Gerard looked at me. He grabbed a nearby stool and sat down next to me.

"I'm sorry for everything, Ann. I'm sorry about making you trust me, about you seeing me drunk and stoned, about me leaning on you for comfort, but I'm mostly sorry about you and Bert. We just had a huge argument before and I don't think we'll ever speak to each other again. Your name came up a few times, but I figured, once an asshole, always an asshole." Sighed Gerard. I smiled and shut my eyes.

"Gerard, I've never told you this, but from the day I met you, I was drawn to you. It's like you were a magnet, and I was the paper clip. I love you in a brotherly way, but really since the day we officially met, I have had stronger feelings for you. I'm in love with you Gerard," and with that, I drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 26

As soon as I woke up, I recalled the events of the last 48 hours. I went to help Gerard; he was now hopefully on the mending path. I saw my boyfriend cheat on me and I collapsed. Then Gerard woke me again and I fell back to sleep telling him I loved him.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I ON? Crack or something?

I really didn't want to face Gerard, but I knew I would have to.

I crawled out of the bunk and the kitchen area of the bus. I grabbed myself a cup of coffee and checked my phone for any messages. There were a couple from work saying I was needed for a board meeting the day after next, which meant I had to leave today. I was sad about leaving Frankie, but for the first time, glad to be leaving Gerard.

My work here was done, there was nothing left to do except say goodbye and I really wanted to leave after what I saw out of the window.

It was Gerard kissing another girl, but not just any other girl, it was Eliza Cuts.

I was shocked, upset and angry. I mean, how could he? I packed my bag and said goodbye to everyone except for Gerard. I hailed a taxi and I didn't look back.

"Airport, please," I said and then burst into a batch of fresh tears. The cab driver was kind enough not to ask what was going on, but just kept driving.

Chapter 27

FAST FOREWARD TO THE NOVEMBER 2006…

"When I was, a young boy…" I sang aloud, in my car on the highway from Newark to New Jersey. It was MCR's new song off their new album titled "The Black Parade".

I was on my way to Jersey to see Frank and Jamia. Frank had just proposed to Jamia and I was going over to their place to celebrate with everyone. Apparently, Gerard also proposed to Eliza. I was shocked as she had cheated on him on so many occasions. Also, Ray proposed to Krista, his long time girlfriend, Mikey proposed to Alicia and Bob proposed to his girlfriend, now fiancée, Elise. I was so happy for all of them, but especially for my Frankie. He was growing up so fast!

Gerard and I were friends and had gotten over that whole "I love you," thing and we were more like brother and sister, in his eyes. I, however, still had feelings for him, but they were beginning to fade away because I now had a boyfriend named James.

He was a real sweetie and he really looked out for me and my welfare, knowing my horrid past with Matt. We met at work, which was Skeleton Crew Industries (Jamia and Frank's company). He worked in photography and I worked on the design, fashion side as I was keen with my painting skills. We met at the Christmas banquet last year and he finally asked me out two months ago and I loved it. Anyway, I moved out of Pennsylvania and moved to Newark. I lived in an apartment with James and we shared one five months prior to our "get together". We were great friends beforehand as well. I visited dad every weekend as I missed him. He married his girlfriend, Debbie and we were really great friends. Since my accident, mum and dad were friends and we all got along fine! One big happy family!

I was going to see them all at Frank's house tonight and they were going to meet James for the first time. I was incredibly nervous as all the guys would be there with their respective partners. What would Gee think?


	2. Chapter 2

"SHUT UP

Did You come to stare, or wash away the blood?

Chapter 1

"SHUT UP!" I roared, "AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" He back away slowly and as soon as he was out of the room, I slammed the door in his face. I turned around and lay flat on my bed and rested my head on my pillow. Man, I was so angry at my older brother.

He is so annoying and hyper sometimes. I mean, yeah, he gets teased because he gets labelled "emo", but so do I! I am a tiny bit jealous though because he is such a good guitarist. But sometimes, he really needs to give me space. He is always crying on the phone saying how much he hates college and how much he wants to leave. It is his last year of college and the semester is almost finished, but he is planning to drop out because he has this band called "My Chemical- something" and they are about to go on their first tour. They have recorded one album called "I Brought you my Bullets, You Brought me your Love," and I snuck it out of (my brother) Frank's room and listened to it. I love it!

The band has a couple of practices at my mum's place a month and I have to admit, the lead singer, Gerard, was hot. He is shy, but he has a girlfriend named Tracy, so he was kind of off limits. He was also five years older than me, but I could still look at him, couldn't I?

Anyway, back to why I was screaming at Frank. He had just announced to me that he had dropped out of college, as he had planned. I was so angry at him, because he was my role model, and I looked up to him. Now I have a brother that is a college drop-out only to go on a tour with a band that might not last very long like his old band, Pencey Prep.

I then heard a car rock up outside my mum's house, where I was now. I jumped of the bed and looked out the window. It was Gerard, with Tracy, his brother Mikey, the guitarist Ray (who was like my second older brother), and Matt, who was the drummer. Tracy was smothering Gerard like a puppy dog.

Personally, I thought it was revolting. I think Gerard and Ray also thought that too as they both look disgusted. I decided to greet them all, and give them a good talking to. I opened my bedroom door that I recently slammed and yelled out to Frank that his "boys" were here as I bounded down the stairs.

I opened the door as soon as they rung the doorbell and greeted them all warmly and asked them all to come in. I squeezed Ray with all my might as he did back to me.

"Where's Mr. Hypo?" Asked Mikey.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you all about that," I said to them, motioning them to the living room.

"Why the HELL did you let Frank drop out of college? What if your band doesn't work? I will be the one picking up the pieces of my brother's life just for this stupid opportunity for you guys to go on tour? What if you don't make it to the big time? Frank will be jobless and it will be your entire fault!"

"Annie, calm down," said Gerard calmly. I looked at him.

"It's alright for you, isn't it? Your back up plan is to be an artist. But what about Frank?" I asked him snappily.

"I'm in the same situation, Annie," said Mikey, hugging me.

"I have just dropped out as well. WE have a back-up plan though, Frank and I. We are going to work at my old job at Barnes and Noble." He said. I just laughed.

"Yeah, real good back-up plan. I can just see it now, when you retire, you'll be the face of Barnes and Nobel everywhere. They all gave me a sarcastic smirk.

"Don't worry Ann, everything will sort itself out." Said Ray.

"I hope so, otherwise your entire are going to have to answer to me. I'm going to check up on Frank." And I walked out of the room.

Typical, I thought to myself. Those boys are so stupid! At least Matt, Gerard and Ray have finished college; they'll be fine if the band falls through. I can't believe how Tracy just stood there; not thinking what may happen to Frank and Mikey. She looked like she was in another world.

I knocked on Frank's door. No answer. I shrugged and opened the door and was shocked at what I saw.

Chapter 2

It was Frank, on his bedroom floor, crying and blood dripping down his legs.

"Frank!" I screamed. I ran over and helped him up. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself every time I see you?" I asked him as we sat on his bed.

"B-because I felt so bad for l-letting you down. I only s-see you four times a y-year during the holidays and I really d-don't want to spend all that time fighting. I also have just f-found out that Polly has been ch-cheating on me with Adam, my best friend, Adam! I just want to curl up in a ball and d-die. I need help A-Annie, I really do!" And then he dissolved into tears again. I gave him a big hug.

"Oh Frank, don't say you want to die again! Remember the hell we went through with is five years ago when mum and dad divorced? I don't want to go through it again. Also, I thought the whole reason for this band was to save people's lives. How can you do that when you are trying to demolish yours?" I rubbed his back affectionately.

"I guess you're right. The boys are here, aren't they?" I nodded.

"Well, I'll get myself cleaned up while you entertain the boys a little longer. And don't blame them for me dropping out of college. It was my decision, not theirs." I smiled and nodded again. I gave Frank one last fleeting hug and opened his door.

"Oh, and hey sis?" he said before I closed the door.

"Thanks," He simply said and gave me a watery smile. I smiled back and headed towards the living room.

"So, Brian, our new manager said that we need a permanent driver for this trip," Gerard said while I handed out drinks to everybody. Frank had now joined us with a smile on his face.

"I would do is sweetie, but I have to work," Said Tracy batting her eyelashes. Man, I hated her.

"That's okay sugar, I understand. Does anyone here know someone who would do it? It's only two weeks of a job and we don't smell THAT bad." He said. He sounded like he was stressed. He was very cute that way. Get it…way! That is when I had a great idea!

"I know someone that could do it!" I exclaimed.

Gerard snapped his head up at me. "Who?" He asked anxiously.

"Me!" I said excitedly.

"Oh my god that's a great idea! I mean, you did pass the test with flying colours, didn't you, I remember Frank saying?" Asked Mikey.

"I also drove myself down here to Jersey," I blushed. I hated it when all the attention was on me.

"Not just beauty, but brains too!" exclaimed Ray sarcastically who was sitting beside me. I shoved him.

"Hey!" he yelped. "What was that for?" I smiled cheekily at him until he tickled my sides. I laughed and squirmed so hard that he only stopped when I accidentally stopped when I fell in Gerard's lap who was on my other side. I coughed and jumped off him quickly. I was pretty sure that I was blushing furiously.

"So, getting to a more serious note, do I get paid?" I asked no one in particular.

"Sure you do," Said Matt. "You get paid by me."

"Oh," I said. "How much?"

"Depends on how good your driving skills are." His eyes flashed weirdly into mine. Matt was the only one out of all the boys that creeped me out a little.

"I'll take it!" I said smiling. "I get to hang out with my brother and all his smelly friends for two weeks before I have to come back and face reality… college applications, urgh!" Everyone laughed except for Gerard. He actually hadn't spoken since I mentioned I could take the job. I looked at him oddly. All the boys and Tracy then stood up and made their way outside for a cigarette. I decided to join them. Not to smoke, I think it's a disgusting habit, but just for some company before I left.

I was going to hang with my old friends whom I haven't seen in six months. There was Daniel, Jacob, Eliza and Abbie. We were going bowling and I was so excited! I really missed them all. It's hard leaving your life you used to have before moving to another state…

Chapter 3

When I was ten and frank was twelve, we noticed a lot of changes in both our parents. It was like we were an unwanted chore to look after and while one of them was out, all night; the other would stay and drown their sorrows by drinking. When they were home together, they would argue non-stop. This went on for one and a half years. So, by the time I was around eleven and a half, and Frank was thirteen, my parents finally separated.

Our mum was a lot happier and she started dating other men. My dad, on the other hand, wasn't taking it so well. He was always having one night stands and drinking, although he would try and hide it from Frank and I.

Six months later, we were all in court and our parents were filing a divorce and were now fighting over new things; the custody of Frank and I. It went on for one long, crazy month. Frank got really depressed. He tried committing suicide twice and both times it was I who found him. He would always be locked in his bedroom, crying, with blood dripping down his wrists, like I had found him before. We felt like possessions and we hated it.

No one at school knew what was going on, but our closest friends knew something was up. I wouldn't eat, sleep and sometimes I wore the same clothes day after day. Finally it was decided that I would live with my dad and Frank would live with mum. We threw the biggest tantrums as we were really close, but no one cared. I remember the night dad announced to me over dinner that we were moving to Pennsylvania.

I ran outside and ran to Frank and mum's house and ran into Frank's room where I cuddled up in bed with him together for the last time. Now every second holiday I go to Jersey and every first holiday, Frank will come and visit me in Pennsylvania. I would call and text Frank every day. Although we live in different states, we were still really close. Unfortunately, I was slowly getting used to it.

Just then, my friends rocked up in Eliza's car….

Chapter 3 part 2

I gave Ray and Frank a fleeting hug and I called, "goodbye" as I ran down the footpath and sat in the car next to Abbie. Out of everyone, I was closest to Abbie and Daniel. It was normal for us to talk to each other on the phone twice a week for hours at a time. I went to pre-school with Abbie and Adam was Frank's best friend (although I don't know if they were anymore because of what had happened with Frank's girlfriend). I met Daniel through Abbie, we used to go out, but we decided it would be better if we were friends. He was going out with Abbie now anyway.

When I jumped in the car, Abbie screamed, I screamed and then we laughed together. I gave everyone a hug and kiss before we drove off and made our way to the bowling alley.

"So," Eliza started. "Who was that hottie with the longish, black hair?" She asked me.

"That was Gerard and he has a girlfriend so he is off limits. Not to mention he is five years older than us." She was always on the lookout for guys to hit on.

"Dang!" she said. "Why are the good looking ones always taken?" I silently agreed.

"I'm not taken." Said Jacob evilly.

"That may be so, but we've already tried that one remember?" Eliza replied. I remembered that as that's how we became friends with Eliza. I wasn't really close to her though as her boy hunting put me off quite a bit.

We ended up playing two games of bowling, me coming last both times. It was all good fun though as we laughed about the good times when I used to live permanently here in Jersey. Every time they would mention something I didn't understand I felt a pang of hurt in my stomach wishing I'd never moved to Pennsylvania. But I guess I've moved on with new friends called Tommy, Alex and Jodie. Everyone had met each other and they all surprisingly kept in touch. We all went for pizza and ice cream and by 9:00, I was home.

I dumped my bag in the hallway and made my way to the lounge. Mum was asleep and Frank was up watching the television with Ray whom was sleeping over that night, as per usual. They all had a drink in their hands. I decided to join them and I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and flopped on the couch beside Ray, laying my head on his shoulder.

"Guys, I'm depressed." I announced while they were watching "Loony Tunes".

"Why? Did something happen with your friends?" Asked Ray.

"Well, kind-of. I just felt really left out like I have missed out on so much while I haven't been here. Even though I do talk to Abs and Dan every week, I'm still not in the middle of things, ya know?" I said while tears ran down my face. They had been threatening to fall all night, so I just let them be.

Frank stood up and sat next to me and gave me a cuddle.

"Sis, it's okay, they're missing out on a lot of things in your life too. I think they were just trying to make you jealous. It hurts a lot and it doesn't get any better. I miss you every day when you are gone, I always do."

I squeezed him tighter. I hate it how sometimes people hate their sibling without legitimate reason. They're always there for you as blood it thicker than water. Always.

Chapter 4

It was Monday morning on the holidays at seven am. Normally, seventeen year old girls would be in bed, but I wasn't. I was out of bed, outside, with a coffee in one hand, and a mobile phone in the other. Frank was beside me, yawning and surrounding us was one big suitcase full of both our stuff inside. We were waiting for the other boys to get here with the van that Mikey and Gerard's grandmother bought them so I could start my duty to them as "driver" or "chauffer".

Finally, the van rocked up with a trailer behind it which was graphitized on it in all different colours. It said "My Chemical Romance" all over it. I think it was one of Gerard's crazy ideas, but it was effective, none the less.

For the first few hours, it was chaotic. It was eight o'clock in the morning and I was trying to concentrate on the driving while the five boys were hyped up on coffee and were exited about the days to come. But, as we were on the highway for three hours, it gradually turned quiet as most of them fell off to sleep. Ray kept me company in the front seat, but I could tell he was getting tired.

"Ray, you don't have to stay up for me. Go to sleep, its fine." He smiled at me as he closed his eyes.

"Thanks Annie, you're the best," and he fell asleep immediately.

I smiled and decided to turn up the radio while I placed my favourite CD into the player. It was Frank's old band "Pencey Prep" and I changed the track to "The Secret Goldfish". It was a very cute song and Frank wrote it with the help of me. We were both obsessed with the book "The Catcher in the Rye" when we made it up, so we thought the title was very appropriate. After the song had finished, I let the CD play through and just as the last song finished, Frank came from behind me and squeezed me tight from behind.

"Thank you for doing this, sis. Especially on your holiday when it is your time to see mum and your friends."

"That's okay, Frankie, but I also wanted to spend as much time with you, not just mum and my friends, but I also did it for the money." I grinned cheekily at him.

"I knew there was another reason!" He said.

He then kissed my cheek and went and sat back down in the back of the van. I love my brother and I miss him every time I have to go back to Pennsylvania.

The weeks of the tour went really fast, but it was so much fun. I loved travelling with the boys and I loved watching them perform every night. On the second Tuesday, Gerard was really down and upset. I asked what was wrong and he told me that Tracy dumped him for this guy at her work. She had been cheating on Gerard for months now and she wanted to spill the beans now, before he came back so she wouldn't have to see him again.

"We'd been together for six years, what am I going to do now?" He said, crying into my shoulder.

"She isn't worth it, Gee. Once you get famous, she'll want you back, but she doesn't deserve you, not now, not ever." I rubbed his back affectionately.

"Thanks Annie, you're the best. I have to admit though, when you suggested to come on this trip, I didn't want you to come because I thought a guy would be better for the job. I guess I was wrong and I'm sorry." He said to me and kissed me on the cheek.

He then got up and walked away. I was in shock. Gerard kissed my cheek! It was the happiest moment for me of the trip.

Chapter 5

It was the last show of the tour and everyone was getting ready to go on stage in two hours time. I decided to go up to Matt to inquire about my pay for the trip. "Oh, you can get it tonight. I want to do it away from the boys though, because I think you deserve a pay rise. Meet me near the toilet blocks at around nine pm and make some lame story up about where you are going, okay?" I nodded and smiled. He was still awfully creepy to me.

So at nine o'clock, I made my way to the toilet blocks as I told the guys that I was going to have a shower. I saw Matt in the alley between the two toilet blocks and I said, "So, where is the money?" "Oh money," he replied. "That isn't how you are going to get paid, sweetheart, this was." He grabbed me and started kissing my neck. I was in shock. "Get off me!" I yelped as I tried to get out of his strong grip, but I was too weak.

That night was the first night I got raped. It was by Matt Pelissier, one of my brother's close friends.

Chapter 6

After that incident, I sat in the alley way for half an hour, and feeling so helpless. I didn't know who to turn to or what to do. I felt really alone and lost. What if Frank and the boys didn't believe me and sided with Matt? I just didn't know anymore.

After a while, I went into the toilet blocks and washed my face. Near the sink, I found a razor blade, like the ones Frank used to cut himself with.

Before I knew it, the blade was in my hand and blood was dripping down my wrist like running water. Now I know why Frank did this when he was depressed. It felt so sickly good. In a strange way, I felt kind of better once I did it. I then washed the razor and slipped it into my pocket. I then washed my arms and face once more before returning into the van.

That night, I didn't go to the boy's last show. I couldn't bear to see either Matt or Frank's faces. Instead I fell asleep in the van as I waited for them to come back, drunk, into the van.

Chapter 7

I was so happy to be back home when we reached there. Gerard was still upset with Tracy, and I couldn't blame him. I decided one day to go to the park with the My Chem boys and my friends.

Once they were all introduced, I couldn't help but notice that Eliza was batting her eyelashes at Gerard. I felt like saying, "Back off, he's mine!" but I just sat down on the grass next to Frank while Eliza flirted with Gerard all afternoon. The bad thing was, he looked interested and was flirting back.

We all decided to sleep over at my mum's house that night and have a "Ghostbuster" marathon. I talked through most of the movie with Abbie, Dan and Jacob. Eliza was too busy curling up with Gee. It made me sick!

I needed to go to the bathroom so I excused myself from the rest of the group. After I was finished, Matt was waiting for me outside the door. "This can be our own little secret, you and I," he whispered in my ear. I tried to push him away, but he dragged me into the bathroom and whispered again, "You need to be paid for your driving skills, sweetheart, so do as I say, don't tell anyone and Mattie will not hurt you in any way." I nodded silently, frightened out of my wits. How could he do this to me, in my own house? The place where I was supposed to feel most safe?

That night was the second time I got raped, by none other than Matt Pelissier again.

Chapter 8

I felt well and truly sick after Matt left me alone in the bathroom. My mascara was dripping down my face so fast. I tidied myself up a bit and went back into the living room. I saw Matt sitting there, smirking at me.

This time, I felt really unwell. I was about to say something when…I threw up all over the floorboards and a bit on the couch. I then burst into tears. I had never felt this sick in my entire life. I collapsed on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. Frank, Abbie, Daniel, Ray and Mikey all ran to my aid while Gerard, Eliza, Jacob and Matt all sat up, turned off the television and made their way slowly towards me.

Luckily mum was out; otherwise she would've had a fit. Frank knelt down and helped me up. I fell into his arms and whispered, "I just w-want to disappear. H-help me do that, Frank," and with that he clutched me tighter and excused us so he could help me clean myself up for the second time that night.

After we had finished, I went into my room with Frank as he tucked me into bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me. I shook my head meaning no. He jumped beside me and gave me a huge hug.

"I'll always be there for you, whenever you want me to be." I started to sob again. "Shh sweetie, it's okay. I'm sure whatever it is, it will sort itself out."

"Frank," I started,

"What would you do if you had a secret and if you let that spill, it would endanger your own life, but in saying that, the secret would be worth knowing?" He thought about it and replied,

"Well, I would let the secret be shared with others, but make sure the people or person that threatened you doesn't know. Is there something you wanted to tell me Ann?" I shook my head once more.

"I think I might just rest."

"Okay, but tell me if you decide to tell me that something."

"Okay Frank, thank you. You're the best brother a girl could have. Do you mind staying with me until I fall asleep, like we used to when we were young?" He smiled at me and said,

"Shove over."

Frank's POV

"She's asleep," I said to the others when I got back into the lounge room. The mess of Annie had disappeared.

"Who did the cleaning?" I asked.

"We did!" chimed Abbie, Daniel and Ray.

"Thank you so much," I said sincerely to them.

"So, what's wrong with her, did she tell you?" asked Matt.

"No," I replied.

"She only said she was feeling ill, but I don't think it was just that. I have a feeling something else is going on." Matt nodded and went back to watching "Ghostbusters".

Now I know how it felt to see me all depressed in Annie's shoes. As much as she tried to hide it when I was helping her clean up, I noticed red scars on her wrist. I didn't comment though as she was so upset and I didn't want to make it worse. What was it that made her so ill? Why was she so worried? What was going on? Those three questions were nagging inside my mind all night. I was so worried about my sister and as me being the oldest, I should look after her, but I just don't know how to.

Chapter 9

Annies POV

I woke up, dazed and confused. I then remembered the events of last night kicking in. I walked into the bathroom and pulled out of my pocket, the razor. I relined the marks I make in the previous days and once I was done, I sighed. When did I become like this? I was always angry with Frank for doing it, but I just couldn't seem to help myself.

I cleaned myself up and wore my new Misfits wristband to cover up the scars. I made my way downstairs where I was engulfed by hugs y everyone, except Matt.

"Where's Matt?" I asked Ray.

"Oh, he had to go home, he said he was meeting up with some of his old friends." I nodded silently.

"Or he didn't want to see me," I thought.

"Are you feeling okay?" Daniel asked me, concerned.

"Yeah, it must've been something I ate." I lied.

"Well, become a vegetarian like me!" cried Frank.

"Not gonna happen bro! I love meat too much!" I laughed as I engulfed him into a hug.

"Thank you for last night." I whispered into his ear. He just smiled.

"Who wants pancakes?" I asked as I waltzed into the kitchen. I was leaving in a few days and hopefully I won't see Matt again unless I have to.

Chapter 10

The next three day went with a flash. I spent most of it with Frank, mum, Daniel, Abbie and Ray.

Finally, I packed up the car and I turned around not really ready to say goodbye to everyone.

All of a sudden, a car rocked up outside of mum's house and out hopped Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Brian. Eliza, Daniel, Abbie and Jacob were already at my house to say goodbye. I ran straight to Ray and hugged him tight.

"I'm going to miss you," I said.

"Me too. Don't forget to call, though," I nodded. Brain came up to me.

"Here's the money for the driving," he said to me handing me a cheque.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I got my pay. Being with my brother and his friends for two whole weeks and watching them perform was my pay. Use that money for them in any way they need it." I said. He nodded and stepped back so I could go and say goodbye to everyone. I hugged Mikey then Gerard.

"Thank you again Annie for helping me get over Tracy. You're talking to me helped a lot. Just to let you know so you don't get a shock I need to call you to ask you something," I smiled. We were getting closer, I knew it. Maybe he was going to ask me out! I was really excited as I put my dad's home number and my cell number into his cell. I turned to Abbie, Daniel, Jacob and Eliza. I gave them all hugs and received kisses from Dan and Abs.

"We'll talk soon. Tell me which weekend you guys are free and you can come up to Pennsylvania!" They all nodded and then I turned to my mum. She was really quiet. I gave her a big hug. "

I'll miss you, I always do, call me." She gave me an awkward smile. I then turned to my brother. This was the hardest goodbye. I turned to him.

"Thank you for everything. Call me every day." Tears were now streaming down my face as he pulled me into a hug.

"Promise me you'll stop cutting yourself. Yes I do know about it, don't look surprised. Please, for me, stop." I nodded and pulled him tighter to me.

"I miss you already," I said as I pulled away. He was crying as well now. Mikey stepped up to me.

"Matt said to say goodbye and he'll keep in touch. We know you stole our CD out of Frank's room so we decided to give you your own, free of charge and it's signed!" I gave him a hug to say thanks.

"So this is goodbye everyone," I blew everyone a kiss and gave Frank one more hug. "See you soon."

"Call me otherwise I won't talk to you when I see you in three months." I jumped into the car when Frank and mum said,

"Goodbye, I love you!" I started the engine and headed for the highway. Away from Matt, away from Gerard and away from mum and Frank.

Chapter 11

I arrived home to find dad in the garage playing on his new drum kit. He was like a young teenager. My grandfather also played the drums so it kinda ran in the family and they were so excited when Frank showed an interest in guitar. As for me, I stuck to singing, my acoustic guitar, the piano and making up songs. That's how I helped rank write "The Secret Goldfish".

I ran up to my dad and gave him a really big hug. I then went inside, unpacked and then rang Frank and mum to let them know I arrived safely home. I heard the doorbell ring, so I answered it. I was shocked to see that it was Matt Pelisser standing there with a smile on his face.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to say goodbye sweetie, but I had things to do. The boy's don't know I'm here, so let's keep it our little secret. I told your dad I was your boyfriend and he was fine with it." He said, still grinning like he was pleased with himself.

"So what are you doing here now?" I asked him, shaking not with anger, but fright.

"I came to say goodbye. I won't see you in another six months, or will I? I mean, I now know where you live." He said. He walked inside the house and I followed.

"So, which one is your room?" He asked me. I pointed to the room on our right. He then pushed me inside and locked the dor so my dad couldn't come in. He then threw me on the bed and went around my room and shut all my blinds. He came back to me and smothered me with kisses.

"Why me?" I asked him squeakily.

"Because you're so confident and I wanted to rip it right out from underneath you. Frank told me all about you, how you were the perfect girl. So I knew from then on I had to rip it right out of you." He replied, not stopping what he was doing. I felt so alone now more than ever. I wanted Frank beside me to tell me that everything was going to be okay. It had been only four hours since I was home and I missed my brother more than anything in the world.

After Matt finished whatever he ended up doing to me (it was all a blur), he left. I don't know where he went or if he was coming back. I picked up my clothes, put them in the wash basket and turned on the shower to try and get Matt's smell off of me.

I then saw the razor I used the past two times this happened to me in the shower. I was way past crying now. It was all about being scared, being angry and being alone. Very alone. I then grabbed the razor I used the past times and cut, and cut so deep and hard. Harder than I had ever done before. Once I finished, I made sure the blood had all gone from the shower cubicle and turned off the water.

Once I was clean, Matt free and dry, I heard my phone ring. I was excited to see that it was Gee.

"Hey!" I exclaimed into the phone.

"Hey, how was your trip, good?"

"Yeah it was actually. So what did you need to tell me?" I asked curiously.

"Well, I was just wondering if you'd be okay if…" I listened intently,

"If I asked Eliza out. I just really, really like her Annie." I felt like I had just been shot. I like Gerard and then SHE just comes along and BANG! He's under her spell. Tears started to drip down my face.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I must've been quiet for a long time.

"Yeah, sure am! Look, I don't mind, I just don't want you to get hurt okay? I just want you to be safe. 'Liza likes to play with boy's emotions, so just be careful." I said, not really believing that I was actually giving him permission.

"Thank you so much Annie. It really means a lot to me. I thought I was just ask you first as she is your friend and you are Frank's sister." Oh so I was just "Frank's sister", was I.

"Yeah its cool," I said hurriedly before I couldn't take hold of my actions.

"Look, my dad's calling me. Was there anything else?" I lied.

"No, just this. I'll see you in six months Annie and thank you once again."

"No worries. Tell everyone I said hi." I replied and hung up. I was crying hard now. I decided to call Frank…

Chapter 12

"Hello?" said Frank on the other line.

"Hey Frankie! It's your sister!" I exclaimed trying to sound excited.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" I hesitated. Should I tell him about Matt or Gerard?

"I'm not the best. Listen, I grew into liking someone when I was in Jersey and now he has just asked Eliza aka biggest skank ever out and I don't know what to do!" I said tears welling up in my eyes.

"Are you talking about Gee?" Asked Frank.

"Dammit! Am I that obvious?" I said angrily.

"Haha, kinda honey. Also Gee has gone out with her tonight. I was so angry with him, but I guess he has to follow his instincts at the moment." Frank was always right.

"Also Frank, something's going on with me and I don't know how to stop it. It's causing me to slip my wrists! I used to be so angry when you did it, but how did you stop?" I asked.

"I stopped the problem, of course. It didn't make me so upset when you and I talked on the phone everyday. It helped me a lot." I thought. Should I tell him, or should I wait?

"Listen Annie, what do you think of a scorpion tattoo?" He asked me.

"I think that'd look awesome!" I said.

"Why, did you get one?"

"Yeah I got it after you left. It's on my neck as high as they would allow it."

"You WHAT!" I screamed.

"That is SO like you! How AWSOME!" I was so happy for him. He must've had a really good feeling about this band.

"What's awesome?" dad asked me as he walked into the room.

"Oh, hey dad! Frank got a tattoo, on his neck as high as it would go. It's a sc-…" but I couldn't finish the sentence.

"HE WHAT! Give the phone to me!" He bellowed. I smirked as dad snatched the phone angrily off me. Man, I knew this was going to happen.

"What the FUCK were you thinking? What if this band falls through? How will you be able to get a proper job?" He was silent for a few moments.

"Look, I know you want to trace my footsteps, but that doesn't mean tattoos! I'll talk to you later." He said sternly and handed me the phone. This was going to be interesting…

Chapter 13

Six months later…

I was back on the highway heading towards New Jersey. I was excited to see mum and Frank, but a bit scared to see the My Chem boys. Once a month, or maybe every two weeks, Matt would come to my house, or catch me walking home from College, and rape me. Each time, I was sadly getting used to it, but my emotional and physical scars were getting harder to cover up. I tried to stop Matt, but as he was stronger and I was too weak, he pushed harder into me every time I tried to push him away.

There was no one to talk to, I felt so alone. I couldn't talk to Jodie, Tommy, Alex, Frank or mum or even dad. I knew there were help lines and stuff, but I was so scared that Matt would find out and do something bad to Frank.

On a happier note, Frank now had a girlfriend named Lauren and we were really close, well, as close as you could get on msn and cell phones. She was a real sweetie and for some reason, Frank wasn't all "lovey dovey" with her. In my opinion, he was just using her to get over Polly. I felt really sorry for her as she was so nice. I was really excited to meet her in person.

Talking about relationships, Eliza and Gerard were now officially an item. I was really upset about that as I thought Gerard could do better than that. Every time I talked to him on the phone (yes we were now good friends and kept in touch) he was so happy, happier than he was with Tracy and he came out of his shyness a bit. However, when I talked to Eliza, she just mentioned Gee like he was a handbag. She knew with their next album they were working on would be a hit, so she clung onto Gerard, and said all the right things to make him stay with her.

I arrived at mum and Frank's house at around three o'clock in the afternoon. As soon as Frank heard my car rock up out the front, he was outside pulling me out of the car, so he could give me a hug. I squeezed him with all my might and before I knew it, I burst into tears. He clung onto me tighter, rocking me back and fourth to calm me down. When we talked on the phone, he would always ask if everything was okay and as hard as I would try to convince him that I was fine, he didn't sound convinced at all.

After I got settled and smothered by my mum, I decided that I should go and say hi to My Chem. Hopefully Matt wouldn't be there.

I tagged along with Frank to band practise and I flopped down on the couch in the Way's garage. There was a guy sitting next to me with short, ginger hair, bright blue eyes and a lot of piercings. I turned to hi.

"Hi, I'm Annie," I held out my hand. He took it shyly.

"I'm Bob. The Used's sound mixer." He replied.

"Oh my god! I've heard so much about you! Frank talks about you all the time!"

"And I've heard so much about you! Frank will come to us every day and say, "You'll never guess what Annie did today."" I smiled and we chatted some more. Five minutes later, Frank came bouncing into the garage with Matt behind him, grinning evilly at me. I jumped up, scared out of my wits. He still scared me even though I knew he was going to be there.

"Uhh, I realized I have to go guys. I'm meeting up with Dan, Abbie and Jacob. Nice to meet you, Bob. Nice to see everyone again and I'll see you soon." And I ran out of the room. I ran down the road, down to Abbie's house as her and the Way's lived in the same street. I ran past Eliza who was on her way to band practise. Urgh! I couldn't get away from it all! I just anted to disappear.

As soon as I reached Abbie's house, the door opened and Abbie came out and engulfed me into a hug. She then stepped aside so Dan could do the same thing. I'm so glad I had friends here. I then looked around the room. There was another girl standing there. She had long, blondish hair and magnificent blue-green eyes. She was about Frank's height, which meant around 5'3".

"Hi." She said to me.

"You must be Annie, I'm Lauren." I then clicked to where I had seen her before. I engulfed her into a big hug.

"Haha hey, finally nice to meet you." I said and we all made our way to Abbie's lounge room and talked.

This is where I was safe. This is where I called home.

Chapter 14

I started really thinking about my life, and I came to a conclusion. I really wanted to end it.

I loved my family and my friends, but I wasn't a whole person around them anymore. Every time I went to see Frank, Gerard and Eliza were there. Then, when I tried to leave, Matt would always follow me and rape me. I was too used to it to be scared anymore.

I was back at my dad's house and I realized it had been a year exactly since Matt started raping me. I was in my room, crying, wanting everything to end.

Suddenly, I had the urge to go. To leave my life and my being. I was outside and sat by the pool. Did I mention it was winter? I then took off all my clothes and jumped in. The water was icy cold and pierced my pores like they were being continually stabbed. I wasn't a really good swimmer. I waded my way into the deep end and said, "this is it," and let go of my breath.

Suddenly, I was dizzy, my head was spinning. I was a glimpse of a familiar looking man, screaming, then everything went black…

Chapter 15

I could hear a beeping noise. What was it? Was I dead or alive? I could also hear a whispering. Maybe they were angels or God? I decided to open my eyes to see what was going on.

"Oh my God, she's awake!" Said a male voice. I looked at him and smiled to see it was Frank. He engulfed me into a hug, well an embrace as I was covered in wires. I started to panic. Where the fuck was I? the beeping noise that woke me up started to get faster and faster. I burst into tears. What was happening? Frank looked all worried and was hushing me as he stroked my forehead and swept the strands of hair from my face. All of a sudden a girl in a white lab coat came and sat next to me.

"Hey Annie, I'm Jamia. You're in the Pennsylvania Private Hospital. You almost drowned in your dad's swimming pool, do you remember?" I nodded while fresh tears leaked out of my eyes. Why didn't it work? Why was I still here? Jamia left after she checked everything was okay and I saw her blush and smile at Frank before she left.

"Someone has a crush on you," I said croakily to Frank in a sing-song voice. He blushed deeply.

"How long have I been gone for?" I asked shutting my eyes.

"Around four months," he said.

"Four months! FOUR months! Are you serious?" It must've kinda worked then, my attempt to end my life.

"We never thought you were going to wake up." Said Frank teary-eyed. I placed his hand into both of mine and clutched him tightly.

"Why were you outside anyway? On such a cold day?" I shuddered.

"I'm tired. I might go to sleep. I'll tell you in the morning." I said. Shit, what was my excuse this time?

Chapter 16

The next few days, I felt really sorry for Frank. My parent visited me each day and I was truly grateful that my mum stayed in my room at my dad's house as she took time off work. They were actually acting sugary sweet towards each other, my parents. It was strange as they hadn't seen eye to eye for years. Frank however, stayed at the hospital with me; made sure I ate and kept me company 24/7. I was overwhelmed as they told me as My Chem. had finished making their second album called, "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge." They were also about to film their first official video shoot. He said that he was going to come and visit me after the filming.

I knew I needed to tell him about Matt and the suicide attempt. I just kept on saying after he asked me a few times about the suicide attempt, that I was looking for Tre (my dog, stop laughing, I named her when I was 5!) and I slipped into the water accidentally. He didn't seem to believe me, but he didn't question me any further. That's what I loved about Frank. He knew that I would tell him in all good time.

My injuries, well there were quite a few. I broke my leg in three places where my dad dragged me out of the pool and the left side of my body was paralysed for a couple of days. It was the stupidest thing I had ever done, but you know one thing, I wish I still wasn't here.

Gerard came in to see me the other day, without Eliza, thank god. He came in to tell me how sorry he was that I was here and I could tell he was actually a little high. They were just about to perform at a show so I was actually shocked to see him there. Mikey then came into the room and dragged Gerard out of the hospital by his collar, apologising to me that I had to see him like this.

Last night, I woke up crying. Frank was immediately at my side hushing me. I had had a nightmare. It was about Matt. He had the "rage" disease like in the movie "28 weeks later". He gave it to me by raping me. Then I gave it somehow to Frank.

"Its okay sweetie, go back to sleep. I won't see you in the morning as we are doing the video shoot for "I'm Not Okay."" He said after I calmed down. I nodded and closed my eyes. I made the decision that I was going to tell Frank tomorrow when he visited me. It can't keep going on like this!

Chapter 17

When I woke up, Frank wasn't there. I felt a little shaken after my dream last night and I thought, as soon as I got out of here, I will make sure I don't have an STI and double check that I'm not pregnant.

I smiled as Frank walked in with the boys and Bob in the afternoon. Matt wasn't there because he was apparently "busy". Ah well, better for me. I chatted with the boys for a while and then I turned to Frank and said, "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?"

He nodded and the boys shuffled out of the room.

"Frank, I've wanted to tell you this for ages, but I haven't had the courage. Please don't be angry once I tell you and wait until I have finished until you say something, even if I start to cry." He nodded for me to continue.

"Well, the night I almost drowned, it wasn't an accident, it was a suicide attempt." I heaved a big breath in. "I had been feeling depressed and I was scared that if I told anyone or sought for help, someone would kill you or myself. Since the end of the last show on your first tour I was continually raped. The scary thing is, though, it's one of your friends. The one who excuses himself once a week. Someone who wants to ruin my confidence and make sure that there was one thing in my life that wasn't perfect. It's Matt, Frank. Now don't go and kill him right now. I want you to listen to me as it is my entire fault. I didn't go for help. I let him control me up until the time I attempted to commit suicide. I started to slit my wrists because of him. I let him control me and I'm so sorry." Tears were leaking violently down my face but I didn't really have the care to wipe them away. Frank just sat there with hatred in his eyes.

"Annie, it's not your fault. He was in the wrong. Do you mind if I tell the guys?" I shook my head as I was crying. He started to cry as well. "Don't cry. I should've said something as I knew there was something wrong. I'm so sorry!" He cried and I scooted over on my bed and we lay in each other's arms and cried until we fell asleep.

We were woken up an hour later by Mikey as he jumped on the bed. It woke both Frank and I up.

"So, what's news?" asked Ray. I looked at Frank and nodded for him to tell them. He smiled at me and said,

"Guy's I really need to talk to you. I'll say it out of the room as I'm sure Annie doesn't want to go through with it again." They all went outside, confused.

Ten minutes later, I heard yelling outside my ward. Gerard, Mikey and Frank all came into my room. The Way brothers hugged me tightly.

Gerard then said, "You'll get through this, I know you will. Have faith and talk, talk to us, your parents or your trusty brother. I've been through something similar before and I don't want to see you spiral downwards like I did. Don't be afraid to keep on living, you won't get through this alone." Both Gerard and I were now in tears. I hugged him with all my might as he was so right. He made me notice that I had something, something to live for.

Chapter 18

I was propped up on my hospital bed a few days after Frank told his friends and my parents about the thing with Matt. I was talking to the police and describing every incident that Matt raped me in great detail. Frank was holding my hand tightly as he sat next to me. I was shaking slightly as I remembered every single incident. My parents were there as well and they hadn't spoken to me in days. I think they felt ashamed of me attempting to commit suicide, but I had to make them understand. It. WAS. My. FAULT. I decided that I was going to press charges against Matt as I didn't want him to do this to any other girls. On the weekend, Annie, Dan, Jacob, Eliza, Tommy, Jodie and Alex all came to see me. They all felt like they were talking to a fragile person when they first walked in, but as they left, we were all in hysterics.

I had been out of the coma for two week and so much had happened! I had become really good friends with my nurse, Jamia and we promised each other that we would keep in touch. I found out she liked the kind of music that my brother and I were into and she was the same age as Frank. This was her first year in nursing, but she wanted to quit as she wanted to be a guitar tech like her older brother! I told her that Frank was in MCR and she thought they were fantastic.

One day, it was one of the last days I was in hospital, the Way brothers came in to visit. They also brought their friend, Bert McCracken from "The Used". He was SO hot! I couldn't believe it! When you see him, like on television, he looks like a total grot, but oh my God! I couldn't stop staring at him! While I was staring at him, Gee told me some interesting news. Matt got kicked out of the band. I was wrapped! They were, however, struggling to find a new drummer. "How about Bob?" I suggested. Mikey whacked his forehead. "Fantastic idea! Why didn't I think of that?" I smiled. Frank told me he heard rumours of Bob being a skilled drummer. They next day, they were going to do the re-filming of the "I'm not Okay" video and decided to ask Bob to join in after a practise tonight. It wasn't official, but maybe it would be. As they left, I slipped Bert my phone number and he kissed me on the cheek goodbye. Oh my god, I think I'm in love. Mikey made me snap out of my daydream as he was whining to Gerard pleading him to drive past Starbucks on their way to the highway. "Boys," I sighed to myself as they left the ward.

Chapter 19

"Welcome home!" Shouted everyone as I opened the door to my dad's house. I was so surprised that everyone was there. Everyone in My Chem (Bob was now officially the drummer, but they haven't been on a tour as of yet, they were leaving tomorrow for two months), my family, friends, Jamia and Bert were there. I was so happy. Finally after being in hospital for three weeks, I left. My leg was in a cast and would be for another week.

The party was two hours in, and I decided to go outside, struggling with my crutches. I heaved in a big breath when I saw the pool. I was facing my fear of seeing the place where I tried to end it all. My dad had had the pool emptied and there was a huge amount of dried blood from where I had been dragged out. I sat down opposite where the incident happened and I cried.

I cried because I attempted to kill myself, I cried because I let Matt make me this way, I cried because I let Frank and my parents down and I cried because, as many times I tried to warn Gee about Eliza, he wouldn't listen.

I then heard the gate of the pool close. I saw Bert walk tentatively towards me and sit down next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded.

"I'm fine, just a little overwhelmed to be home at the moment." We were silent for a few minutes.

"Is this where it all happened?" he asked me. I nodded again and burst into tears. He came closer to me and rubbed my back.

"Shh it's okay," hushed Bert.

"No it isn't okay. I let Matt get to me. I tried to end my life, not thinking of the effects it would have on everyone else around me! I'm so selfish!" Bert engulfed me into a hug.

"Honey, it will all get better, I promise. You can only learn from your mistakes and go forward. Trust me, I know." We sat in silence for a few more mintues. We heard some shouting from Gerard and Eliza. I heard words from Gerard like, "cheating" , "I trusted you" and "I love you". Eliza basically said nothing. Until she said. "Fine, it's over, have a nice life, Gerard." I was shocked.

"It's funny," said Bert. "What is?" I asked.

"One relationship is starting and another is ending." I smirked and looked deeply into his hazel eyes. We leaned in closer and then…we kissed.

Chapter 20

When we broke apart, I sighed. He was gorgeous. I felt bad though because Gee and Liz broke up and

they were both my friends

and

I still really liked Gee, but I was kissing Bert, his best friend!

We decided to go back into the party half an hour later to announce to everyone that we were together. We were about to get everyone quiet when Gerard stumbled into the room.

He was SOOOO drunk! He collapsed onto the floor in front of Bert and I. As I was helping him up, (I was struggling as I was using my crutches), he was giggling.

"Gee what are you doing to yourself?" I hissed at him, quietly.

"Hehe, I'm getting PISSED! Get it? PISSED! Haha. Eliza and I broke up and now I have nothing to live for!" And he fell back on the floor laughing.

"You do have something to life for! Your music, your fans, your family and friends? Doesn't that mean anything to you?" And Gerard just kept on laughing. I looked up to Bert with glassy eyes. I didn't want to cry. Gerard was throwing his life down the toilet and after what he said to me when I was in hospital, his drowning his sorrows!

I couldn't take it anymore! I went as fast as my crutches could carry me out of the front door and down to the park. Frank and I had really good memories playing down here when we were little kids when dad moved into this neighbourhood.

Just think of the song "You're Guardian Angel" By The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus while reading this…

I sat there for a while, crying and once again, thinking about my life. I didn't want to go through this again, but it seemed like I had to. It's like what Gerard said to me when I was in hospital wasn't true anymore. I then heard footsteps.

"Hey, why aren't you at the party?" said a male voice behind me. I whipped around. It was Frank.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"Well, I'm your brother, you were upset and I know you too well, do the math." I smiled.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me.

"Well, I was wondering if what Gerard said while I was in hospital was true. Did he really mean it?" I asked.

"Yes. The other day, Mikey told me that before I met Gerard, he was really depressed. I think he is now going through something more similar, but its alcohol related."

"Why though?" I asked, concerned.

"Because he feels like the only way to perform on stage is to be totally drunk, but now, he's addicted. He won't listen to any of us. On our last tour, his pants fell down on stage. I'm really worried." I leant over and gave Frank a big hug.

"He's going to be okay. He's a big boy. Just be there for him when he needs you to be." Frank nodded into my shoulder. We stood up and walked arm in arm back to my dad's place.

"So, what's up with you and Bert, sis?" Asked Frank as we walked through the door.

Chapter 21

It was really sad to watch Bert, Gerard, Frank and all the other boys leave to go on tour. I clung onto Bert with all my might and tried to make him stay. It didn't work, so I just kissed him passionately as he went into the car.

I then hugged Frank. We had been through a lot lately. He was now going out with Jamia. Lauren didn't mind as she started to go out with Quinn Allman from "The Used". He was really nice to her and they made a really cute couple. Frank was happy for her and they were still close friends.

Gerard was drinking 3 beers an hour. It was sickening to see him so drunk all the time. My heart was breaking. I gave him a hug and he pecked me on the lips. I was shocked. He whispered into my ear. "I love you: and then he too, jumped into the car, just a little more awkwardly. I was shocked however, uhe was/u drunk.

I hugged Bert and Frank one more time and they hopped into the car. "Call me every day otherwise I'll think something is wrong." They all smiled and I waved as they drove off.

As I went inside to my dad's house with his new girlfriend, Debbie. She was so nice. Dad told me that Matt had been sent to jail for two and a half years. He admitted that he needed help for all the things he did to me. I was happy and sad at the same time.

buGerard kissed me!/u/b I went upstairs to think about "certain things"…

Chapter 22

It was 3 O'Clock in the morning of July 2004 when I was awoken by my phone ringing. I answered it yawning. "H-hello?" I spoke into the phone.

"Hey Anne, it's me, Frank." He said his voice clearly shaken and upset.

"Hey, what's the matter bro, what happened?" I asked.

"It's Gerard. Last night he admitted that he wanted to commit suicide. I'm scared Annie, I really am. I don't want to loose my best friend to drugs and alcohol!" He said tearly. I was now in shock. Gerard was the one that told me if I was depressed I should go and get some help and now he has left it too late for himself and wants to commit suicide. I then realized that he would need someone who would understand, me.

"Where are you?" I asked as I turned on the internet to check flights.

"We're at the Florida Showgrounds on tour, why?"

"Frank, come and pick me up from the airport at around seven this morning. I'm coming." And before he was able to retort or reply, I hung up the phone.

I then started to pack my bags.

"Hold on Gerard," I whispered, "Annie's coming."

Chapter 23

I arrived in Florida at seven exactly. As soon as I collected my bags, I looked for Frank. I then saw him. His face was red and swollen from crying. I dropped my bags and ran up to him and engulfed him into a big hug. We both burst into tears and clung onto each other.

"I'm so glad you're here," He finally managed to choke out.

"Me too," I whispered. He then grabbed my bags and we silently hailed a taxi.

When I saw Gerard, I felt like I was going to cry. There was no life in him at all. He just existed, like a thing, breathing. I ran up to him and gave him a hug. He cried into my shoulder.

"I wanna pull out of this game we call life, Annie, it isn't fun anymore, I wanna stop playing." Tears leaked out of my eyes.

"Keep playing this game Gerard. You're doing well and you're on your way to winning. I promise you." We both went over to his bunk and lay down.

"Don't be afraid to keep on living," I said to him, telling him the words that he told me not long ago.

"You're not going to walk this world alone."

Chapter 24

The next morning I woke up before Gerard did. I rolled out of his bunk, and then opened up the bathroom cabinet. This bus was pretty big. I found all the pills and chucked them into a huge plastic bag. I then made my way to my next victim, the fridge. I opened it and threw out all the alcohol. Next place, the dumpsters outside.

On my way back, I passed The Used's bus. I really wanted to see and surprise Bert. I was dating him now, but it was hard to see each other as he was on tour. I knocked on the door and Quinn opened it. He said to me, "Who are you?"

"Hi," I replied. "you probably don't remember me, but I'm Annie, Lauren's friend, Frank's little sister?"

"Oh yeah! Hey! I remember you now! Sorry, last night was a late night. I'm guessing you want to see Bert?" I nodded and he let me in.

Quinn pointed me to Bert's bunk and I decided I was going to wake him up pleasently. I opened the curtain to his bunk and was crushed at what I saw.

It was Bert, in bed, with another woman. A woman who wasn't me. A woman who was beautiful. I decided to wake him up as unpleasantly as I could. Tears blurred my sight as I hand conncected with his cheek.

"What the Fuck?" He groaned waking up.

"HOW COULD YOU?" I shrieked. "I TRUSTED you!" and I stormed out of the bus and running straight into Mikey.

"What's wrong?" He asked hugging me seeing my face now cover with tears.

"It's B-bert." I said and collapsed into his arms…everything went black…

Chapter 25

I was awaken by cold water slapping my face gently. I moaned and held my head as I attempted, but failed miserably to sit up.

I slumped onto the pillows and opened my eyes slowly. Gerard's long hair was covering his face while gently sprinkling my face with a wet towel.

"It's okay Gerard, you can stop now," I said as Gerard looked at me. He grabbed a nearby stool and sat down next to me.

"I'm sorry for everything, Ann. I'm sorry about making you trust me, about you seeing me drunk and stoned, about me leaning on you for comfort, but I'm mostly sorry about you and Bert. We just had a huge argument before and I don't think we'll ever speak to each other again. Your name came up a few times, but I figured, once an asshole, always an asshole." Sighed Gerard. I smiled and shut my eyes.

"Gerard, I've never told you this, but from the day I met you, I was drawn to you. It's like you were a magnet, and I was the paper clip. I love you in a brotherly way, but really since the day we officially met, I have had stronger feelings for you. I'm in love with you Gerard," and with that, I drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 26

As soon as I woke up, I recalled the events of the last 48 hours. I went to help Gerard; he was now hopefully on the mending path. I saw my boyfriend cheat on me and I collapsed. Then Gerard woke me again and I fell back to sleep telling him I loved him.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I ON? Crack or something?

I really didn't want to face Gerard, but I knew I would have to.

I crawled out of the bunk and the kitchen area of the bus. I grabbed myself a cup of coffee and checked my phone for any messages. There were a couple from work saying I was needed for a board meeting the day after next, which meant I had to leave today. I was sad about leaving Frankie, but for the first time, glad to be leaving Gerard.

My work here was done, there was nothing left to do except say goodbye and I really wanted to leave after what I saw out of the window.

It was Gerard kissing another girl, but not just any other girl, it was Eliza Cuts.

I was shocked, upset and angry. I mean, how could he? I packed my bag and said goodbye to everyone except for Gerard. I hailed a taxi and I didn't look back.

"Airport, please," I said and then burst into a batch of fresh tears. The cab driver was kind enough not to ask what was going on, but just kept driving.

Chapter 27

FAST FOREWARD TO THE NOVEMBER 2006…

"When I was, a young boy…" I sang aloud, in my car on the highway from Newark to New Jersey. It was MCR's new song off their new album titled "The Black Parade".

I was on my way to Jersey to see Frank and Jamia. Frank had just proposed to Jamia and I was going over to their place to celebrate with everyone. Apparently, Gerard also proposed to Eliza. I was shocked as she had cheated on him on so many occasions. Also, Ray proposed to Krista, his long time girlfriend, Mikey proposed to Alicia and Bob proposed to his girlfriend, now fiancée, Elise. I was so happy for all of them, but especially for my Frankie. He was growing up so fast!

Gerard and I were friends and had gotten over that whole "I love you," thing and we were more like brother and sister, in his eyes. I, however, still had feelings for him, but they were beginning to fade away because I now had a boyfriend named James.

He was a real sweetie and he really looked out for me and my welfare, knowing my horrid past with Matt. We met at work, which was Skeleton Crew Industries (Jamia and Frank's company). He worked in photography and I worked on the design, fashion side as I was keen with my painting skills. We met at the Christmas banquet last year and he finally asked me out two months ago and I loved it. Anyway, I moved out of Pennsylvania and moved to Newark. I lived in an apartment with James and we shared one five months prior to our "get together". We were great friends beforehand as well. I visited dad every weekend as I missed him. He married his girlfriend, Debbie and we were really great friends. Since my accident, mum and dad were friends and we all got along fine! One big happy family!

I was going to see them all at Frank's house tonight and they were going to meet James for the first time. I was incredibly nervous as all the guys would be there with their respective partners. What would Gee think?

Chapter 28

After all the hellos and introductions, mum, dad, all the My Chem boys, James and I all moved out to the patio to chat as it was a warm night. My heart swelled immensly as Gerard turned down a beer that was offered to him.

I was so happy he was over that. As Frank was in a discussion with James about cars, I excused myself from them and walked over to Gerard.

"Boo," I whispered in his ear. He jumped a little.

"Hey you! First boy you've brought home properly. How does it feel?" He asked me in an interviewer voice with a fake microphone in his hand as he nudged me questioningly.

"I can't tell you how nervous I am, Gee." I said lowering his hand down from my face.

"I think dad will like him, they seem so similar."

"I've heard that girls date guys with personalities like their fathers," said Gee.

"Gosh you're such a nerd filled with useless facts! You must me so organized with your wedding plans!" I said.

"Actually, we haven't decided on anything as of yet. We have tried to, but it seems we have different opinions to everything!"

"Did she have an opinion when you died your hair blonde?" I asked ruffling his not short, white blonde hair.

"Eliza actually did it for me and she did hers the same so we could be matching. Well, I guess she is the band's stylist. For some reason though, your brother is the only one that refuses her "treatment"." I nodded, curious about my brother's behavior.

"Anywho, did you hear about Matt getting out of jail earlier than expected?" he asked me.

"Hopefully it will be okay. I visited him six months ago and he sounded truly sorry for what he did. I mean, the man that raped me was broken down crying and you can tell that he was ashamed in his eyes whenever he looked at you. He explained the reason why he did it, but I'm sworn to secrecy not to tell. He said that when he gets out, him and a friend are going to set up a record company. You two were best friends for a long time. You should go and talk to him." I said as Gerard nodded.

"Well, I better go and check my fiancée. I'll think about what you just said." I nodded and kissed Gerard on the cheek.

"I'm so glad we're friends," He said to me as he walked off.

"Me too Gee," I whispered, letting my feelings for him go astray, "Me too".

Chapter 29

Frank joined me outside to have a cigarette.

"I'm trying to quit," he said to me as I shook my head.

"So what's this I hear about you not letting Eliza touch you?" I asked.

"Well," he started, looking around to make sure that no one was there, and "She's a whore. A slut. A bitch. Whatever you want to call it. When Gee's not around she backstabs him, makes moves on us boys, cheats on him and stuff like that. But when he's there, she talks to us like we're her best friends and like she adores Gee. We've tried to tell Gee, to warn him not to marry her, but he won't listen. She's extremely manipulative in that way."

"So what are you going to do?" I questioned, rubbing my older brother's back. "Surely you won't see them get married?"

"No, I don't want Gee to go through with that pain. I talked to Jaims about it and she said that she'd be okay if I tried to set something up that Eliza would come onto me." I nodded pretending I knew what my brother was on about, but I honestly had no fucking idea.

The night ended with a spectacular cake that mum made (thank god Frank wasn't around when she made it), a chorus or two of "for they are jolly good people," (but Mikey changed it to "For they are jolly good lassies") and a lot of drunken people stepping out the front calling out for cabs (even though there were none in sight) or getting into passenger seats of cars. Gerard came up beside me.

"I never got to thank you for getting me out of my alcoholic state. You coming to Florida meant a lot to me. You saved my life. I don't know if Frank told you, but we made a song about you and your hardships and my hardships as well and it's on the new record. Take a listen. It's called "Famous Last Words"." I gasped and smiled up at him (as I was short like my brother…even shorter if that's hard to imagine) and hugged him tight.

"Anytime Gerard, anytime. Thank YOU so much! Anytime you need me, I'll be there." I said meaningfully to Gerard.

"Gerard! Hurry up! I don't want to wait here all night!" Screeched Eliza from the passenger seat of Gerard's car.

"Coming Lizzie! I have to go, Annie, talk to you soon, thanks again!" she said and pecked me on the cheek. Oh my god, I think I fell in love again. I went inside to help pack up and Frank pulled me aside.

"I did it. Eliza cheated on Gerard, well kind of." I got so angry that I slapped him and then I hugged him. "I love you Frankie!"

"I love you too. I want you to be there when we tell Gerard though," I nodded as if to say yes.

James and I were staying at mums tonight, so we gathered our things and drove 5 minutes up the road to the place I used to visit every three months after dad and I moved away. Mum came in with us and understanding we were tired, as she was too, she bed us goodnight.

The thing is, we weren't tired. Five minutes after being in my old room, I was lying on my bed, naked with James thrusting in and out of me. It was pathetic, raw and full of pain. I think we both knew it wasn't love. As we came together, we simultaneously let out a moan, kissed passionately, crawled under the covers together and slept. How was this going to work out? I still loved Gerard, more than ever! Not again!

Chapter 30

A few months past and I got a call from Frank one day telling me "it was time". It was July, a week before my birthday. I reached Frank and Jamia's house and the whole band was there without their partners, including the newly married Mikey. I was surrounded by boys so I clung onto Jamia.

James couldn't make it away from work. I found it hilarious that my brother and his fiancée were my bosses and they were high on skittles 24/7!

I truly wasn't happy with my relationship with James. I felt so much for Gerard. I needed him. Every time I had sex with James, I saw Gerard in his face and that scared me so I didn't switch on my "sexometer" anymore incase I moaned Gee's name instead of James's.

Anyway, so I was at Frank's and we were all in the living room on the couches.

"Gee, this is really hard for us to say. We love you as if we were your own brothers, well, Mikey is, but that's not the point. We don't think you should marry Eliza. Annie has known her since, well, before you did and she is the true meaning for a slut," Said Frank and then Gerard then leapt up.

"You're all just jealous! You're relationships can't compare to what Eliza and I have!" I pushed Gerard back down on the couch.

"We love our relationships very much! It's not that we're jealous! We want to protect you! We love you! Watch this and see." Frank said and turned on the television. Upon the screen was Frank in his room at his engagement party. Jamia and Frank walked out of the room, not wanting to see this.

On the television screen, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," muttered Frank. Eliza walked into the room.

"Hey Frankie," whispered Eliza in a seductive tone as she shut the door.

"What the hell are you doing? This is my engagement party!"

"I know babe, but we should all take a little risk in our lives. Well not much of a risk for me, Gerard won't notice, the pathetic bastard. He is so weak and pansy-like in bed, sometimes I wonder if he's gay." She chuckled slightly.

"C'mere," She whispered and before Frank could react she pulled him by his tie and kissed him. It was so horrible to see her, one of my old friends and him, my brother to be kissing that way.

"I've always thought you were hot," she said and then Frank picked her up and pushed her out of the room.

"Get out of here, slag," and then I turned off the tape.

I called Frank and Jamia to come back into the room. As soon as they did, Gerard stood up and punched Frank in the face and went outside. We heard the door slam and a car drive off.

Jamia and I rushed to Frank's side and helped him up. He burst into tears. I'd never seen him this hysterical, even when our parents divorced.

"My brother's a dick, but he'll come around. Good show everyone," said Mikey and Ray and Bob followed him to the front door.

Chapter 31

Gee's POV

I stormed out of Frank's house. I can't understand this! Who do I believe? I love them both, just in different ways. Eliza's cheated on me before, but we've gotten over it, we're engaged for God's sake!

I turned up at our flat and tried to find her in every room. I finally found her in our bedroom. With another man, named Bert McCracken.

"Bastard never changes. I knew I never trusted you after you hurt Annie. You're lucky she has eventually gotten over you. AND YOU!" I pointed to Eliza, infuriated. "The engagement's off. I just saw an interesting video at Frank's place of you in his bedroom at his engagement party. You slut! I'm packing my stuff and am outta here." I went into an angry rage and smashed every breakable thing in my old bedroom. Bert scampered out of the room and shouted out, "Listen to our new song "Pretty Handsome Awkward". You might know who it's about," and he left.

"Gerard, baby, I'm so sorry! I think he drugged me! I'd never hurt you intentionally," whispered Eliza, clearly shaken.

"We can get through this and come out stronger. I love you!"

"That's bullshit Eliza, you and I both know it! You don't even know what love is!" I said, stuffing my clothes into a bag. I don't have many, just a lot of jackets. I love jackets. Thank goodness all my art stuff is at my parents house still.

An hour later all my stuff was in the car and Eliza was outside with me, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Don't go," She whispered.

"GO TO HELL!" I yelled and took off for Frank's house. When I got there, Frank answered the door and I collapsed into his arms, finally cracked and I burst into tears. My heart was ripped into shreds.

He brought me inside and sat me on the couch with a steaming hot cup of coffee supplied by Annie and Jamia. They called everyone over as I explained what happened.

They threw a party that night, to get my mind off Eliza. Annie stayed with me the whole night and she looked so beautiful. Like an angel sent to this earth for me to get my mind off Eliza. She talked about James and how she didn't feel that they had a romantic connection anymore, and she was in love with another person.

"Do you mind telling me who?" I asked her. She blushed. She looked so cute when she did that. I love her! I know I did! I always have but pushed those feelings aside and haven't had the courage to think about it. She looked around the room, worried as if anyone else were there.

"Well, remember that time I visited you on the Warped Tour and fainted and before I fell asleep after we spoke I might've said "I love you"? Well, those feelings haven't gone away. I have a heart and it beats for you, and only you." She got up and walked out of the room clearly embarrassed.

She said she loved me. I was sitting down in shock. She felt the same way about me as I did to her. Wow!

Chapter 32

Annie's POV

I sat in my room, at Frank's place, crying. Why did I do that? I have probably ruined my relationship with Gerard forever!

Half an hour passed and I heard a knock on the door. I muttered for them to come in and I looked up. It was Gerard with a lopsided grin on his face. The grin that I loved. He sat beside me and grabbed my face gently and pulled me into a loving kiss. It was better than I had imagined.

"I've always loved you, Annie, but it's taken me so long to put it into words." Said Gerard lovingly as we pulled apart. I smiled and kissed him again.

Our hands roamed each other's bodies and finally we were lying down on my bed and he was sliding my top above my head.

"Wait." I said suddenly.

"As much as I'd love for this to go further, I'm not one to cheat. Even though, I don't feel anything romantically for James anymore, I still respect him and love him as a friend and I know he wouldn't do the same to me. Wait one simple week and I'll break the news to him. Don't you worry, I love you." I then kissed Gerard lightly on the lips.

"I trust you to do what you have to do, I love you more than you love me," said Gerard as he helped me slide my top back over my head. I walked out the door so that Gerard could get "fixed up".

Shit! How was I going to break up with James? Hang on; I know just the way…

Chapter 33

I was so scared of what was coming. I really, really loved Gerard, but I didn't want to break James' heart.

It finally came time when one night after work, James took me to an elegant restaurant. The night was getting along fine, when James said, "Ann, I need to ask you a question," I heaved a big breath in. Was he going to propose? I hope not, it would only make matters worse.

"Where do you see our relationship going? Answer honestly, I won't get offended."

"Well, honestly, I think we're growing apart romantically, but friendship-wise I don't think we're growing apart at all." I said after thinking about it.

"Oh my God! That's a relief as I feel the same way. I just wanted to break up, but still be really great friends as I have met someone. I swear I didn't cheat on you! I would never!" Said James. I began to laugh.

"Well, guess what? I've fallen in love with one of my brother's best friends! How weird is that? Well, I guess we're both happy now."

"Well, I hope you and Gerard will last, you make a great couple!" Said James.

"How did you know?" I asked him curiously, poking him. He shrugged.

"Let's get out of this posh place and go to a pub, what do you say?" James asked me. I couldn't get up from the table sooner.

That night, we got so drunk. One thing lead to another, and well, you can kinda guess what happened. If you're so silly and can't guess, well, let's just say, we were rushing to work together in the morning, hung over and terribly sore.

I think I remember asking him not to use a condom for a little "risk". Little did I know that I would regret it later on. OH SHIT!

Chapter 34

A month later…

Gerard and I were now officially a couple. My whole family approved surprisingly and Frank took it really well. He knew that I was going to really miss Gerard when he left in a week for the "Project Revolution" tour, so being my boss and my brother, he let me come on tour with the band to promote the Skeleton Crew label everywhere we went. I jokingly said I was going to be the band's groupie, but Frank made sour faces at me and Mikey was know coming up to us when we were talking and screaming "INCEST!" in our faces.

I was amazed when we jumped on the tour bus. Merely six years ago on their first tour, they were in a van with a trailer on the back and now they had a huge bus with bunk beds! I dumped my suitcase on one of the lower bunks.

"Well," I said. "This is going to be our home for the next two months," as I hugged Gerard. Little did I know what a huge two months it was going to be.

As soon as the boys had finished sound check, I walked outside the bus with two cups of steaming coffee in my hand and handed one to Gerard who was having a cigarette and talking to someone I had never met before. I figured it was someone from another band.

"So this is Annie! Last time I saw you Gee, you were with that Tracy chick. It's good to see you've met someone else with a little more heart." Said this man with absurdly spiked hair. I was confused.

"How can you tell?" I asked questioning him. He shrugged and then pointed to the steaming coffee cup in Gerard's cold hands and then Gerard's arm around my waist.

"I'm Jimmy from "Mindless Self Indulgence"." He held out his hand.

"Oh! I remember when My Chem opened for you guys! My brother was so excited! Pleased to meet you, I love your work; it's so different and unique. I love it!" I said taking his hand to shake.

"I'm guessing Frank's your brother then?" He asked me.

"How did you know?"

"You look alike." He said to me as I blushed.

"Well, I'm going back to my bus, Lyn-Z wanted to practice. See you both later," Jimmy said and walked off in the opposite direction.

I turned to Gerard and gave him a passionate kiss.

"What was that for?" He asked me.

"Well, since this tour is going for a while, I really want to go into this trip honest and true. I want us to speak our minds and if you don't mind, I would like to go first." He nodded for me to continue. I then explained to him how James and I slept together when we were drunk on our last date. I also explained how we didn't use protection and how I was due to start my period a week ago. I was in tears by the end of my little "speech".

"Hush Annie, don't worry. I'll stick by you through this. You have to tell James as you are still close friends and he'll want to know. But you could also be late starting your period, not that I'm and expert or anything. Take a test and also see the tour doctor in charge, I'll come with you if you want. You'll be fine." I smiled and we went back inside so we could both prepare for "work" which we'd start in a mere two hours. I'll be selling merchandise of Skeleton Crew and Gerard, well, he'll be screaming inside the stadium, telling all the boys to take their shirts off…

Chapter 35

The next week went really well and without fault. I still hadn't got my period and I was starting to get worried. Gerard said he'd come with me to see the tour doctor and we were now sitting in the waiting room in their little bus after I took many tests. My hands were shaking even though Gerard was holding them. I laid my head on his shoulder.

"I'm going to take you on a proper date tonight, sugar," She said to me. I looked up at him and pecked him on the lips. He always knew how to make me feel better. I started to sing, "Your Guardian Angel," by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Gerard joined in with the song in the chorus, looking deeply into each other's eyes.

"I will never let you fall.  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
I'll be there for you through it all.  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven."

We had been dating for six weeks, but to me, it felt like forever. We were meant to be.

The doctor had then chosen to come out. "I have the results, do you want to step into my ever-moving office?" My face turned pale as he said this, it must be really bad. Shit.

"You are seven weeks pregnant Annie, congratulations," I smiled weakly as tears rolled down my cheeks. Gerard squeezed me with all his might and I clung onto him.

"I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever," he whispered into my ear. We stood up and Gerard thanked the doctor and we left. We collected a few pamphlets on pregnancy and walked out of the bus. I was no longer crying.

"I need to tell James." I said. Gerard understood and left me alone so I could make one of the hardest calls in my life.

James was in shock and I could hear him crying on the other end of the phone and he was constantly apologising. He wanted to be apart of this journey, as well as his new partner. I then rang my parents.

My mother was ashamed of me and was embarrassed to have a daughter like me. She gave me a huge lecture and I took it all in. My dad was calm, but a little upset. "I'm going to be a grandad! A Nonno!" He said to me and made me laugh. It was then I questioned myself, am I ready to be a mother?

Chapter 36

We were half way through the tour and I was starting to show that I was pregnant. I had lost a lot of weight considering that I had another life growing inside of me. I just didn't eat as it wouldn't stay down so I didn't bother.

We were on our way to New York and Gerard and I were listening to "Flash Gordon" by Queen on his iPod while searching on the internet for houses. We both agreed to have it near our families, but not too close.

"What about this one?" I asked. It was in Pennsylvania, big backyard and three bedrooms. He nodded, bookmarked it and we kept looking.

After a few hours of this delightful job, I went to get ready for work and Gerard went to get ready for the sound check. It was routine now. After my work was done, then I would watch the last half hour of their set.

After this particular set however, Gerard pulled me aside with a smile slapped across his sweaty face.

"I want to talk to you one I have a shower. It's about that whole honesty thing we talked about ages ago." I nodded, confusingly and let him go have his shower.

I waited in the bus and in that time; Ray, Bob and Worm all went for a drink and Frank was asleep. There was a knock on the bus and the door opened. There stood Alicia, Mikey, Ray and Bob.

"SURPRISE!" They yelled. I squealed and ran to hug Mikey and Alicia who I hadn't seen in ages. We let Frank sleep as he had a few sleepless nights pining for Jamia.

Then Gerard walked in with a smile on his face.

"I love you Annie. I want to speak my mind and the only way to do that it," he kneeled down on one knee, "is if you marry me. Will you?"

I ran to Gerard squealing and hugged him. "Yes you idiot! Can we do it now?"

"If you want to." He said. We smiled at each other and fell into a passionate kiss. Tears of happiness ran down my face as we were congratulated by everyone.

"What's going on?" Frank came into the lounge room of the bus with only his pyjama bottoms on rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Frank, we need a photographer, can you be the photographer for my wedding with Gerard in an hour or so?" I asked him. Frank was now wide awake.

"WHAT!" he yelled. The whole bus went silent. He smiled and started to cry. I ran to him and hugged him tight.

"I love you older bro," I whispered to him.

"I love you too, soon to be Mrs. Way," He whispered back to me and we cried together.

"I'll find a minister." Said Ray and went out of the bus.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold until death do you part?" Asked the lady conducting the ceremony.

"I do," I smirked at Gee.

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." Gerard's lips met mine and there was a loud applause. We broke apart and smiled at each other. Our hands locked and we turned to smile at Frank who was taking pictures with his camera phone.

Our "reception" was held inside a circle of buses. Everyone was there. Frank and Mikey went to the store and brought back a lot of apple cider and alcohol-free wine. With the loud and thumping music and dehydration, I decided to sit down, but every time I went to, I was dragged back up to dance. When I was doing the nut bush, I was concentrating on my feet and I became really dizzy. I remember falling back, but the next thing I remember is waking up to an emotional James, Gerard, Frank and all our parents in a hospital.

Chapter 37

"Why am I always in hospital?" I mumbled as I sat up. No one answered or even smiled. They all had sad looks on their faces. "What's going on?" I asked. "I know I passed out, but why?" I asked.

"Annie, I'm so sorry, please let me explain…" said Gerard.

"I was the happiest I've ever been. You, the love of my life just married me on my favourite tour ever.

I danced with you at our reception, and then you said that you felt sick so I let you go and sit down. Next time I saw you, you were dancing the nut bush and looking sickly ill. I walked towards you and I saw you collapse. I was horrified as I watched Mikey catch you. Once we got to the hospital, blood started to leak between your legs. I thought, "Oh shit! The baby! James!" and I called him to come down and see you. We were informed at 1:20am that the baby had died of malnutrition and smoke inhalation. I'm really sorry Ann, I truly am." Said Gerard.

As I listened to Gerard, tears filled my eyes. Holy shit. I murdered my own child. I went near smokers and I didn't eat. I couldn't breathe. Oh no! Oh no! What was that fast beeping noise? I was panicking. Oh shit. Tears leaked out of my eyes and I started to shake. Dad and mum all rushed to my side pulling Gerard out of the way. I clasped onto Gerard's hand and held onto it tightly. Why? What did I do to deserve this? Was this a dream or reality?

I then collapsed onto my bed and started to go into cardiac arrest. Before I knew it, I was my former self, looking down at my family and friends as they heard a long and monotonous sound. They were pushed out of the way by doctors and nurses who were there to revive me. Gerard was a wreck shaking in the corner and Frank was trying to push his was to the nurses to see me. "I love you sis!" he screeched over and over again.

A kind lady was next to me and grasped my hand. It felt a lot like Gerard's. "Sweetie, I'm Gerard's grandmother Elena. Please go down there and save your brother and my grandson. I've seen the future without you and it is too horrible to imagine." I nodded.

It was then I realized that I didn't want to die, ever even when I attempted to commit suicide. I began to fight back. The doctors pressed those cold plates against my chest and charged the machine up to 300. Bang!

It hurt like hell, every bone in my body ached. "Fuck," was the first word that came out of my mouth. I then fell into a long, drug-in dosed sleep as they operated on me to take my child out…

Chapter 38

Two weeks later…

I didn't feel. I didn't think. I just sat on the bus from state to state waiting for the arrival of New Jersey. I had lost my child. We out it were a girl and so we named her Susannah and gave her a proper burial. We were given the chance to hold her. She was the size of my palm, a little smaller. I held her to my chest and cried "Susannah" over and over again and James sat beside me, crying silently.

Gerard tried to get me to talk about it with in, Frank and even a professional shrink. I just sat there and stared straight ahead and tuned out completely. I didn't talk, eat or sleep anymore and I knew it was killing everyone. One night, Gerard came in smiling and looked at me. I gave him a puzzled look and her cheekily threw me over his shoulders and took me outside. I squealed, yelled, kicked and punched, but he didn't let go.

"My wife," he said. "Watch the show tonight; I want you to hear something."

And so that night, he played "Umbrella" by Rihanna. I burst into tears. He then played their new song Stay (Awake (?)):

"So would you say?  
Are the lights are really low enough to play?  
So much easier than falling down and  
All alone you prove that I was  
Broken down to move and alright  
Battling the loss you live for  
Meant the world to you

And if you stay right here?  
When I'm telling you  
That someone out there loves you  
Stay right here?  
Well I'd tell you  
That someone out there loves you after all

Sometimes it's always easier at fall  
Then you pick yourself right back and better  
All alone you prove that I was  
Broken down to move and alright  
Battling the loss you live for  
Meant the world to you

And would you stay right here?  
When I tell you  
That someone out there loves you  
Stay right here  
When I'm telling you  
That someone out there loves you

No one out, no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?  
And is there no one out, no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?

And if you go  
Just lets go home!

And if you stay right here  
When I'm telling you  
'Cause someone out there loves you  
Stay right here  
When I'm telling you  
That someone out there loves you

No one out, no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?  
And is there no one out, no one out there?  
Is there no one who, no one who cares?"

(Courtesy of )

Throughout the whole song, Gerard stared at me with a meaningful look in his hazel eyes.

The last song they played was "Famous Last Words" and I collapsed. I lay on the ground with Jamia gripping onto me as I sobbed and cried hysterically.

Gerard then came offstage. I ran up to him and punched him numorous times.

"YOU BASTARD! I love you!" I said and fell into his arms.

Those two sentences embarked us on a whole new and brilliant journey together.

"Only for you, sweetheart," He said to me, "Only for you."

Chapter 40

ONE YEAR LATER

"Push! Push!" Screamed my husband. I slapped him. "You're not the one that has been in labour for fucking 27 HOURS! Shut up and don't you dare tell me what to do!" I screamed at him. He then shut up and clung onto my hand as I finally heard the screams of a new born.

"It's a healthy baby girl. Congratulations! 9lbs exactly!" Perfect." The nurse said to me as she handed me my daughter. Tears sprung into my eyes.

"Look what we have created, Gee," I whispered. "She's so tiny," he whispered back and pressed his lips against my sweaty forehead.

"Say cheese!" said Frank as he took a photo. "Go back to your wife!" I screeched as he ran up to me.

"Congratulations sis and other sis'. My first niece. She so pretty! What are you going to name her?" I gave Gerard a knowing look. "Elena," he said to Frank, smiling at me. "Elena Jane Way." I was then told after I fed my baby, I needed to have rest, a.k.a, these boys needed to piss off, and fast.

Gerard was going to go shopping for some clothes for Elena, already.

"You're my guardian angel," I said to Gerard as he left and I drifted off to sleep dreaming of my new baby girl.

Chapter 41

"SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" I heard someone screech and then a door slam. It sounded so familiar.

"Elly! Adam! Everyone's here!" I shouted up the stairs. I heard two pairs of footsteps bundle down and run into the backyard. There was Mikey and Alicia with their two kids (Amy and Alex), Frank and Jamia with their adopted children (Francis and Tommy), Ray and Christa with their kids (Maria and Emma), Bob and Eliza with their kids, (Caitlyn, Damien, Luke and Carly), my parents and Gerard's parents.

Life had been great since the birth of Elena. My baby miracle girl and then two years later, Adam came along. We naturally lived in Jersey, and the kids lived normal lives. I was now the head of Skeleton Crew as Frank and Jamia left to travel the world. Tomorrow they were off to Egypt with their two kids. The band "My Chemical- Something" was still there, however they only played occasionally in basements and clubs. They brought out a total of seven albums and were known world-wide. The band did truly save lives and were now thinking of going on a world tour. I wonder how that was going to work out.

Gerard was doing a different type of saving these days. He was occasionally doing alcohol and drug talks at schools, but he mostly spent his time helping the homeless at the soup kitchen with Mikey called the "Way Kitchen".

Matt and James found out their sexuality and were married six months ago in Canada. They're such a cute couple and Matt and I had now been seen in a room together, alone crying over "The Notebook".

I found Gerard by the Barbeque and kissed him. "I love you," I said to him looking into his eyes deeply.

"Ditto sugar," he said to me and we kissed again. "Ewww!" screeched out ten year-old Adam.

"Daddy, can you and the boys play a song? Just for us to hear?" He asked looking into his father's eyes with his own icy blues.

Gerard smiled and gathered the boys. They were gone for ten minutes and came back outside with instruments. Bob tapped the drums to count the band in and they started to play…

"Now I know,

That I can't make you stay,

But where's your heart…." And I clapped along and sung to the words with Jamia with all my might.

"I AM NOT AFRAID TO KEEP ON LIVING!"

The End


End file.
